Renee In Cancerland – the book

Renee In Cancerland – the book

Guess what I am doing today?

I am sure you said something with your book!

I am getting the updated ebook (or whatever it is called?) version today with all the edits we had noted to be changed! 

I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Yes, I meant to yell that. 

After this, we will have a print date and then a sale date! 

I have really thought about it, and I want to have a launch/art/celebration for life party.  One of my good friends is going to sing for the entertainment.  

Now, I just need to figure out where/when this is going to be AND how to swing it on a small budget.  

If you have any ideas, I am all ears!

New art

The past month and a half. I haven't had the urge to paint much.

I go through cycles like that, and I am not sure why.  I mean, I love to paint, so I do know why I don't have the urge to do it everyday?

In fact, I even added that to my nightly prayers: urge to paint something that I love.

I woke up one day last week with a NEED to paint. And paint I did.

Here are some almost done backgrounds.
I am IN LOVE....LOVE

In fact, it is 4:30 in the afternoon and I am still not dressed because I didn't want to stop today to get dressed. Ian was slightly horrified with me at pick up.  His friends were impressed with the fact I was painting!

I am trying to use a scanner and using a scanned background for different projects.  
I KNOW it is possible because I see other artists do it...now, I just have to figure out how!But with me doing this, I will be able to offer more at the same time!

As you can tell (well, I don't know - can you??) I am VERY excited to be at this happy place with my art!

No Active Cancer

No Active Cancer!!

From my body & bone scans in December and my brain MRI Monday, right now my Stage IV cancer is NOT ACTIVE!!

Why is she saying not active verses cancer free you might be wondering?

I believe cancer cells are in everybody’s body all the time.  Most bodies just know how to kill it off and it is never a problem.  Please note, this is in no way scientific but is Renee In Cancerland thought! BUT, they do call it no evidence of disease (NED)…just because there isn’t evidence doesn’t mean it isn’t there??

I know I sound boo hoo about saying it like that, but I am not…I do believe that.

Any who…back to life here?!

I have now been clean in my body for THREE YEARS!

THREE YEARS people!!

I have gone from it being pretty terrible in my lungs and nodes to three years no evidence!

I have gone from not being sure I would see Ian turn 5 to him being 7 ½ years old.

Sure I had a brain tumor from hell in that time span too – had to learn to walk with a numb leg and all but that was 18 months ago!

My head has been clear for 18 months!

I wish I had some secret to tell you how this happened.

I wish I had some magic pill.

I wish for you out there reading this, your story takes a crazy twist like this one did and you are the one writing this.

New Plain

There have been many times in life where I look at an event and recognize that I have grown up.

Not just me, others have grown with me – in their own directions but there is a new level of love…stick with me here.

Two things have happened these past two days:

One of my great friends and I were WAY overdue for a hangout session. We try to get together at least once every 6-8 weeks which is by far not enough but that is all we can squeeze in with where we both are in life at the moment.

Sometimes it works; sometimes it does not.

It slapped us in the face the other day when we realized how much we have evolved in lives and our friendship.  We have evolved from parting (many years ago) to mommy hood, to finding ourselves again.

Instead of going out to a fancy lunch and drinking some wine, we went to Whole Foods, ate a little breakfast, had coffee and grocery shopped.

Yes…grocery shopped.

But the thing I realized was it made NO difference what we were doing, we were doing it together and that is all we both wanted.

Don’t get me wrong, we will still have our wine lunch dates too but knowing we made it this place in life together is a great feeling. 

To know the friendship stands the test of time – and with that test of time many changes in life and therefore within each of too.  It makes my heart smile to have her in my life.

Second one is on the same line:

I went to lunch (man, I eat out a lot!!) with a friend of a friend.  We have known each other for about 10 years (WOW that is crazy to think), have stayed connected by reading each other’s blog, email and FB, but had never really sat down just the two of us to talk.

It was a really powerful lunch.

She has grown in ways that made her shine from the inside out.

I told her how proud of her I am, and I mean that so much.

We talked about her drama filled past, laughed at both of our own stupidity stories, but reconnected on this new plain we both seem to have found our way to.

You might be thinking – what in the HELL plain is Renee talking about?  I will save that for another day!

I guess looking at this written out, all my good friends somehow ended up on this same plain too because we get each other, we are over drama and run from it, and have fallen in love with the life we each have.

Don’t get me wrong, none of us have a picture perfect life…nowhere near, but we have learned to love the moment we are in – good, bad or in between – knowing it is just a moment and the moment will pass…maybe pass all too quickly.

New Video

Welcome to my YouTube channel!
My goal is to share my CRAZY cancer story with you to give you the same hope I have felt all along.

If you feel this message speaks to you and/or you know someone it can help, please share.

Cancerland Craziness

I knew there would be a day when I would be told I couldn't get chemo due to numbers…I thought those numbers would have to do with low blood counts or something else…not blood pressure numbers.

I had an appointment to go in for chemo Wednesday.

It started like any other chemo day: 

I had my blood drawn, 

had someone recognize me and came to chat while I was waiting for blood draw (us cancer girls won’t let a little lab action stop us!), had my lab tech tell me she couldn't believe she didn't know I had a blog (I guess I really do need to tell everyone I talk to about it…someone told me I need to throw my cards in the air and let them rain like confetti…wow, got totally off the subject there!), 

went to give my urine sample and then headed back to chemo room.

But see here is the problem with me just doing whatever I want and all this without anyone telling me what I am actually doing that day…I DID have a Dr. H appointment.

So after they found me, got me into my room I was flustered.

The first Blood Pressure she took was way high…I think 190/120…I think.  She had me hang out a minute and I got it to come down some.

After talking with Dr. H, I told her I have been fuzzy in my head lately and of course I am starting to panic. She asked me if I was tired and just kind of off…I said yes exactly. 

I told her that I was scared because it feels like it has before the other 3 brain tumors.

But, she did’t let me go down that road.

High BP can and does cause all these same symptoms and a big side effect of my brain chemo is high BP.

She told me it was fine, and I really tried to believe her.

I hung out in the infusion room with my nurse – who is really more than my chemo nurse...she is my friend too.

I had my BP taken again, took a medicine to bring it down, hung out more, got BP taken again and it was down to 140/99…lower but still super high for me.

She said no chemo.

I left there pretty bummed. 

Is high BP going to be a problem now too?

But my head seemed to be getting fogger and I was exhausted, so I came home and slept.

I went back yesterday, BP was spot on normal at 120/80, so I was able to get chemo!

Really, I never thought I would be so excited for chemo?!?!

But now I have a BP wrist cuff to add to my accessories of door prizes from stupid cancer.

Oh Cancerland – nothing stays the same here for too long.

Today I am still foggy in the head with a dull headache hanging around.

I am TRYING as hard as I not to get stressed about the headache and remember I get a headache and tired like this after every chemo.

Yes, I will take prayers that this headache and tiredness is NOTHING more than me needing Avastin every 3 weeks verses trying to push it to 4 weeks...I won't be doing that again.

I have an MRI on Monday (was already scheduled so nothing urgent) and an appoint with Dr. Groves on Thursday.

I will report back next week.

Full heart

I was asked back in the spring to go to my son's school to talk about what I do for a living for career week.

I hauled all of my art stuff up there along with some pieces I had on hand.

I honestly did not know how or what was going to happen once I got there but it turned out to be very magical seeing the light in the kids eyes light up when they got to my station and gush over the art I had made.

 I received a passion thank you notes that the kids wrote and they made my heart melt

Having children who do not know you except the one interaction you had with them 

Tell you impact you made on their life, tell you that they want to be like you when they grow up is awe inspiring

I found a huge happy place from those notes.

The week ahead

I don't ever mean to, but once again I have put lot on my to-do list.

In all honesty, I love having a full to-do list...it shows me I am feeling better.
And even more honestly, I love marking things off that list!

This week is a busy one with all the things on my wish list:
Paint
YouTube videos
Get office in a working mode
Walk/yoga daily
Even though it is all on my wish list doesn't mean I will get it all done.
I must find a better way to organize my wish list into actual time management...eh...it will come some way.

I only have one MUST do - chemo.
And I am not sure if I see Dr. H or not?!?! 
I guess I will figure that when I am there. 

Saturday there is a really cool event that is shaping up with a bunch of other cancer girls.  The details are 100% final yet, but when they are I will share.

Sunday I am going to see Sandi Krakowski speak at her #BeMore event. I even felt called to get the tickets of where I get to meet her before hand and speak with her. I AM SO EXCITED!!!
I want to give her a little package to remember me. I am thinking I am going to make her a canvas that says #BeMore.  Yes, I am praying this sparks a personal connection with her.

I hope you have a great week.
I will keep you posted on what I make to give to Sandi and how chemo is.

Triple Negitive Breast Cancer - Great news!

I am not one to read a lot of BC articles because honestly I don't understand them.
I could blame it on chemo brain, BUT I have never understood reading science.

I did read this one though and IT EXCITES ME!!!
The gist of it is, in mice they found a possible link to Triple Negative Breast Cancer...yes, the most aggressive type and yes, the type I have.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2903446/Hope-breast-cancer-patients-scientists-discover-triggers-aggressive-form-disease.html


Let me know if you have questions on Trip Neg...I have a lot of answers!

Proverbs 16:24

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
This was my verse in the Daily Word, and I really could take this one in and feel it.

I am learning how to use only pleasant words when I am talking to myself. What - she talks to herself you might be wondering?!?!

But yes, I do talk to myself and too much of the time I speak with harsh judgment:

I don't know how to do the whole thing - so why start?
Well that didn't work...again...is it ever going to work?

You get the drift.

I have been trying HARD to catch all these throughout the day and replace the judgment with love.

I did it today and I am proud.
I didn't feel great today (THANKS allergies!) and instead of wallowing in my head and telling myself all the stuff I wasn't getting done, I replaced it with love for myself.

It is a different feeling...
A great feeling.

Today

Today I am going to make a plan.

I am going to look at my 3 big goals and break them up into daily bite sized goals…I hear this really works well for 9 out of 10 people?!?!

For the past 36 years…well let’s say 26 because I am sure I wasn’t doing this at 10 and younger…but, I could be wrong?!?!  Moving on now...

I need to look at what I want to do like training for a marathon with no running history.  I need to establish some of plan AND stick with it.

Well my blog friends, that is what I am doing.

My overall goal is ALL that I do is to share my Hope and Love with anyone who needs it.

      Paint from my heart.
                 For me, this means stop obsessing over what has or has not sold in the past. I need to paint what is in my heart now. 

     Speak from my heart.
                I 100% hear a whisper to my heart to start reading chapters from Renee In Cancerland book on YouTube...I honestly feel this is going to go somewhere!

I am going with Field of Dreams quote here: If you build it, they will come.
I am ready to build my field.

I hope you join me on this adventure too!

2015 – Be

This isn’t anything new, but this is the first year I am going to take part in declaring a word of the year for myself.

My word for 2015 is going to be “Be”

I am going to just Be.

After looking up the definition, I went with this:
to continue or remain as before:
Let things be.

 

I am going to be…Be me.

The me who I am now. 

Not look back on the me who I was.

Not look forward to the me I wish I was.

I am going to be:

If I am tired, I am not going to beat myself up for not getting it all done – whatever it all is.

If I am full of joy, I am going to spread that joy far and wide.

If I am scared, I am going to be scared – but not only in my head…I am going to be scared with my loved ones.

If I am creative, I am going to be all out creative for me. I am not going to create with the intention of selling art, I am going to create with the intention of spreading love.

I am going to be in love with life.

I am going to be my life.

I am going to be my days.

I am going to be my seconds.

I am going let me be me.

I am going to “be”

Be whatever it may be.