Sunday, June 25, 2017

Goodbye sweet Kelli

We have all been told when you practice something, the easier it gets. I know that is true with 99% of things in life, but not in Cancerland.

I had one more F*CKING FUNERAL for a Lifer friend on Friday.  

She wasn’t just a Lifer with me, she was a friend…a friend who shared my crazy sense of humor not only about life in general but also was able to be a smart a*s about any situation…including the cancer that was eating her body.

Oh sweet Kelli…I will miss you my friend.  I will miss us making inappropriate remarks whatever the situation either together or on text, being able to truly laugh at the absurdity of our situations, talk about the literal holes in our heads and being able to blame all kinds of stuff on those holes and so, so much more.

When she was in the hospital at our last visit she told me she loved me so much and needed me there for my comic relief because she never knew what was going to come out of my mouth but we could always laugh at whatever it was that just flew out. I told her she was just the same, which she was, and we laughed hysterically together.

I was asked to read “How do I love thee” at her celebration of life.  There we 3 steps ups to the stage and well, numb foot + steps = no good for me.  So after falling UP the steps, I recomposed and told everyone that is probably why I was asked to read…she though it would me a good time for an added comic break!

Kelli did more philanthropy work than anyone I have ever personally known. Even in her last few weeks here on earth, she was setting up fundraisers for Camp Kesem to purchase items off their much needed wish list for this year’s camp. 

Oh sweet Kelli, like many others have said and I will say it too, you might have been tiny in stature but you were on fierce chic who lived and loved with EVERY being of your soul. I miss you my friend. Keep looking down on us and enjoy your pain free body and seeing your sister and all of our friends. Love you

Monday, May 29, 2017

Vlog about Pre-leukemia diagnosis

Sorry about the dumb face the video stopped at...I need to figure out how to chose a new frame!?!?

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Oh so tired

I must admit, when I started this whole cancer life, I had never been to a funeral outside of family...OLDER family members. 

For those, of course I was sad, but I took comfort in knowing they were Home and healthy...they had nothing else to do here on earth.

About 9 months after I was diagnosed Stage 4, I lost my first friend who was a mom of 2 boys. We would trade Skylanders we had double how we got to do each other outside our support group. Her reoccurrence threw me like nothing I ever expected. I honestly thought since me trial drug was working on me, it would surely work for her too. It didn't. I was shocked as the truth of this slapped me in the face.

Stage 4 breast cancer does kill, and it doesn't care who.

9 years later, I have been to way TOO many services. And all of these way too many services were for women UNDER 43 <insert eye roll> and 90% of them had a family with children. 

This is where my beat-up heart gets ripped to shreds. It is the children left behind in the wake of cancer destruction that makes me break down. I can too easily put our family in that place, and it takes me to my knees in sorrow and fear.

Please send Peace and Love to the K family as they all deal with the aftermath of breast cancer.