Tuesday, October 23, 2018

2 years since Bone Marrow Transplant

I really cannot believe that it has been 2 years since my first of 4 days straight of heavy duty chemo before my bone marrow transplant.

I have been looking back videos I recorded and posts I wrote these past few days.

To say that I have come a LONG way would be an understatement. A huge understatement.

There were days after my transplant when it was all I could do to get up and use the restroom. There were days when I couldn’t swallow without almost crying from the pain in my throat and mouth. There were days I pooped in my bed because my stomach was a wreck and I couldn’t get up fast enough. There were many, many days I lived off of milk shakes because there was no way I could eat actual food. There were days I cried. 

But there have been SO many more great days verses all those bad days.

I do still have GVH (graft verses host) flair ups. Although I haven’t had one in about 3 months!! 

I still battle with my energy levels. I am in bed by 8 (at the latest), but I am able to get up around 6:15 with the family.

I have gotten on and off the exercise wagon too many times to count, BUT I am on it now so I am good!

All in all - 2 years post bone marrow transplant is wonderful! 

I will forever be grateful to Dr. Barryman for taking a chance on me and my crazy case. 

My mom for staying with me for 2 months at the hospital and apartment while in Dallas.

I can’t even describe how thankful I am to my donor. He literally gave me a new life. 

Monday, October 8, 2018

Ahhh...the beach

I am on cloud 9 around here!

We went to the beach this weekend and I am still feeling the feel great vibes of what a wonderful weekend it was.

We left Austin on Saturday, and we on the beach at 1:30.
My best friend G was also going to be there, so she was going to come hang out with us for the afternoon. 
We couldn’t have planned our super easy meet-up if we had tried...she saw us turn, so they followed right behind us!

Then we hung out most of the day Sunday on the beach.

We all 3 had so much fun!
Eric relaxed!!!
I still feel tingling from the loving memories made.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

(Backup) #KissThis4MBC

Remember that time I got to meet and hangout with Eva?!?! 
Oh - I do!!

I am thrilled to be able to be a part of the #KissThis4MBC again this year!

A few FACTS about Metastatic Breast Cancer:

~ 155,000 people are currently living with MBC in the US alone.

~ 113 people die everyday DAY from MBC.

~ MBC is the leading cause of cancer death in women 20-59 worldwide.

An EASY way for you to help??

Simply post a selfie/other picture on FaceBook, Instagram or Twitter with #KissThis4MBC hashtag.

$15 PER POST will be donated by @Norartis to MBCN and METAvivor. 

I will be sharing personal stories these next few weeks to encourage you to do this simple act that will help us living with MBC.

Thank you in advance!

Now - please share and post away!

Monday, September 17, 2018

Goodbye K

Last one standing 

It isn’t something I am proud of.

It isn’t something I ever prayed for.

It isn’t something I am really able to wrap my mind around.

K was the last of my core group of us living with Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC).

I met K about 6 months after I was diagnosed Metastatic.  

She was Metastatic right from the get go, and she had about 6 months in the ring before I was thrown in too.

When I was told I was Metastatic, someone told me that I needed to get in touch with K because we were both moms with young kids and about the same age.

I honestly don’t remember the first time we met.

This is probably making K laugh out loud right now as I write.

She always knew my medical records better than I did. We would go to meetings and she was a pillar of support to all of us and a well read wealth of knowledge.

She stayed up to date with all the research findings and shared with us in hopes of making us all feel better about the same boat we were all riding in.

Outside of L4 meetings (MBC support group put on by BCRC) talk much about cancer. We talked about life - what was going on with our kids, husbands, projects we were working on - normal life stuff. 

Of course we did talk about cancer when we had to...scans, how we felt on whatever treatment, who was/wasn’t doing well - I guess the “normal stuff” living with an incurable disease brings up from time to time.

I told K along time ago that I was done making cancer friends. She said she was too. We had seen/felt/been crushed too many times in the past few years.

OH K - I will miss you dearly. I will miss your snarky comments that made me laugh. I will miss you being my personal medical chart I could ask what all chemos I had been on and us laugh about the fact you were in charge of all my crap. I will miss your friendly face that always invited anyone in to talk to you. I will miss your compassionate heart. 

I will miss you my friend.

Love you 

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Finding my grand

I have thought long and hard about what all I have learned these past 10 years while dealing with all the ups and downs that come with cancer. 

I have come to the conclusion - all the tidbits I have learned (sometimes multiple times) - are great lessons in life that I don’t usually hear others talk about until they are looking back on life talking about what they wish they would have known and practiced when they were younger verses figuring it out when they are much older.

I have lists of lessons I have learned. I have little tidbits I have I taken from here and there and applied to myself in what way works for me. I have miracle stories of my body recovering from trauma. I have a lot of good to share.

Instead of me waiting for something grand to happen (which is what I have been doing), I am changing my mind on what “grand” needs to be. 

Simply put - Me being here to share what I have learned with hopes of helping others is grand...and needed in the world.

I am pulling all the little tidbits I have collected along the way, all the mindset work I have done, taking into account all the miracle stories I have read, and I have decided THIS is the time. 

I am going to share more of my stories of triumph, failure, learning, heartbreak and everything that comes with this life I live.


Because I want to believe I haven’t crawled through 10 years of sh*t to come out on the other side as the exact same person. I want to believe those years have taught me something. I want to believe God had/has a larger reason for me here on earth...I believe we are all here to make some sort of mark on the world. I believe my mark has to do with how I have adjusted to all the crap I have been through and now what I am going to do with all I have I learned from it all.

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Starting over - AGAIN

Here I am again...starting over my daily PT.

I have all these thoughts running through my head: why did you stop in the first place to have to start over again; it wouldn’t be THIS hard IF you just stuck with it in the first place; you WERE doing so well - now...

YES - I still have these thoughts run through my head.

BUT at least I am recognizing them, putting tape over their mouths and telling myself it is ok.

I slipped off the PT wagon while we were on vacation and just continued on my merry way. 

Now about 3 weeks later, I made the decision TODAY IS THE DAY to start over again.

I did.

It was hard.

I am aggravated with myself for letting it go this long.

BUT I can’t change the past - I can only change what is happening now.