Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Goodbye my dear friend

I know you would tell me to shut my mouth as I tell you how sorry I am that I wasn't able to be there in person to attend your "fashion show"...which in my mind sounds much more interesting a funeral. Interesting like you were.

I hate that cancer brought us together, BUT I am so glad it did.

I was constantly amazed by you and you managed to balance on your plate. You walked through everything you did with Grace and beauty, your heart was made of gold but somewhere in all that was a sassy smart ass...which made us instant friends.

I will always hold you tightly in my heart. As soon as I get home, I will going love on E and remind him of his mommy who never stopped.

I love you friend.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Day 1


On the way

I am writing this from the car. We are on the way to Dallas for my bone marrow transplant.
I don't even know what I am feeling at this moment...sadness for Eric and Ian, scared for me and just an overwhelming heartache of the looming goodbye I am about to have to say to them.

I had been able to put all these feelings in a jar on a shelf for another day. I guess that day is today. I have to open the jar.

It is time to deal with the fact I have a secondary cancer which happens to be a blood cancer and I am getting a bone marrow transplant to cure it.

I keep telling myself 3 months is nothing compared to all the other crap I have gone through. But then my monkey mind likes to chrip in with "yeah but, you have been at home to recover." I try to tell it to stuff it, but right now I can barely find the courage to continue putting one foot in front of the other much less tell my monkey mind to shut the hell up.

I have had many calls and texts wishing me good luck. Most end in tears, sprinkled in with some laughter.

So, here goes nothing!

I am going to do a video update daily because I WELL INTEND this to be my last round in the cancer ring! I will post a direct link to YouTube when I am at an actual computer.

In the meantime, please pray/send great energy to handle all this SHIT with Grace and Love.

Monday, October 17, 2016

My heart might explode

Today was such an unexpected roller coaster, and I have a feeling the rest of the week is going to be the same.

I had a Dr. H appointment, so I went early so I could hug all my peeps. Yes I went an hour early and should have gone even earlier.

I took a stack of #CancerGirl prints because the last batch sold like crazy. 


Once I dropped those off, I went around a hugged all my people there. You have to understand, I have been going there Dr. H for 8 years...that is a long time to get to know everyone who makes the team there work so well.

I gave away other prints also. Just a way for me to thank them for all they do (and not to forget me when I am gone for 3 months).

I cried when I hugged Gloria...she is so much more than a nurse to me. She listens to my crazy dreams and always encourages me to fly.

I cried even more when I hugged Dr. H. She has never for one second given up on me and has pulled me through so much. I know many other doctors would have thrown in the towel with me at some point on this road...not her. She still remembers when I told her I didn't care what the stats say because I am NOT a stat. She said I prove that time and time again.

Then I went shopping with mom to get me lounge clothes being as I will be living in them for the next 3 months.

I am getting waves of panic with all this going on. I just want to make sure my baby is taken care of. I know he will be...I have prepped all I can and I have to be at peace with that.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

My life

Oh my, yesterday was one of the sweetest days I've had in so long. I had energy, love and my dudes with me all day.


First stop of city Pokémoning was the capital. I have no idea what was/wasn't found there in terms of Pokémon. I found my heart full of love and life being there with them.



Next stop BBQ! Not Franklin's but good stuff anyway.

A trip to my old apartment downtown...man it has changed.

Zilker for more Pokémon.

Then one last stop for Thai ice cream...I needed to see what all the rage was about.




It was such a great day. I wanted to fill Ian with a great weekend before things change radically around here.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Not again

I really don't know why I thought this would ever get easier? 

I don't know why I thought I could somehow make myself numb to the pain that I can't take away from others. 

I feel numb like I have felt too many times before. My stomach swirls with rage and heartache. 

I pray I will never have to feel this again. Honestly, I never thought I would feel this way this many times in my life yet alone in only 38 years. 

A great lady is laying at home trying to spend every last second she can with her baby and husband. 

I don't get it...I don't understand so much of what is happening in the world around me.  How can this be happening to another young mom? 

I BEG you people, to KNOW that pink bullsh*t is NOT the answer to this. We need research. We need to know why this is happening to SO many young women.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

CancerGirl and Insprational prints in ETSY shop!

I can't believe I am actually knocking stuff off my to-do list!
A few things I want y'all to know first:
My ETSY shop is back up, but isn't completely stocked (that is coming!) but for now I am going to only sell UNMOUNTED prints.
I will show you some super cute ways to hang them on my Embracing Life, Love & Art FB page.

Also, I am going to take 25 pre-orders for MOUNTED "Live the Dash" canvases. I can't commit to anymore until after I am back from bone marrow transplant.