Saturday, December 9, 2017

Survivor

I have gone back and forth with this subject, but I wouldn’t be being true to myself if I didn’t talk/write about it.

After Stage 1 Breast Cancer, I called myself a survivor...F*CK yes... I beat cancer and was a survivor.

Then Metastatic came along.

Was I still a survivor? 

I didn’t know.

I then took on the term “thriver” because I was going to thrive in my life no matter was.

There are always debates in #Cancerland about what we, us who have been diagnosed with Mets, want to be called.

Some say no, they don’t want to be a survivor because they haven’t survived this...this thing in their body.

But after living with this Stage 4 BS for 6.75 years (!!), I have come to my conclusion of I AM A SURVIVOR! And I believe that each and every person on earth is a survivor...we ALL survive some sh*t in our lives...I mean you are here reading this-right?!?!

So, I am here to tell you that YOU yes YOU are a survivor. It doesn’t matter what you have survived-you DID IT!

Be proud.
Roll around in that feeling and love every second of it.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Long overdue therapy

Yes-I have tried therapy before, but I never clicked with anyone...

My first one was after having my son. I am pretty sure I had postpartum depression, BUT I thought I could work it out myself. I finally got a therapist who as soon as I walked in and felt the energy I knew she wasn’t for me. I remember her asking me if I was Catholic because I was talking about the guilt I seemed to have about everything-strike 1.

When I was first diagnosed with Stage 1 Breast Cancer, I found another one. I thought She was too old for me to talk to about my 30 year old life.

At some point in Stage 4, I found another one. She was pretty much my age and I felt we were more like friends vs her guiding me to whatever it was I was searching for.

Then I went to one who a great friend of mine recommended. I dug her at first then I felt like she started telling me her story-not there for that.

I had written it off and decided talk therapy wasn’t for me.

That is until I had a mini breakdown in H’s office telling her I just don’t know how to get into this “new life” yet again. That for the past 9 years, there has been a major change to adjust at least once a year but some years it has been 3-4 times a year. I feel like I am always waiting for the “other shoe to drop” because - well, it has been like this for so long.

As H being so awesome, she told me about this new program from St. David’s hospital for breast cancer patients. I went Wednesday and I LOVED HER!! She didn’t blow smoke up my butt, she didn’t have f*cking pitty eyes and we just vibes. She even dresses like me!

This is the first time ever I think therapy is actually going to help!

Here’s to my adventure!

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

New Art

I know I don’t post my art here near enough and truth be told, it is because it is hard for me to write about myself in a “look what I did” way. BUT I know if I am going to become the known artist and speaker I envision, I am going to have to learn how to do this with Grace and ease.

We (my husband) got most of my art us on the walls of my newish studio!! And I couldn’t be more in love with the feeling I get walking in there!

Honestly-I feel LOVE oozing from the walls!

Here - have a look 











So yes, this is the side of me you don’t see much of BUT with me feeling better and not having much happen in Cancerland I want you get to know me on a different level!

Hope you enjoy.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

1st Birthday Party

My first birthday party was a huge unicorn filled room full of love and magic.






I have come to believe that I am a true unicorn in Cancerland. 


Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Emotional basket case

I had planned this week to be full of sparkling rays of glittery sunshine - you know - for my new birthday and all.

So far - not so good.

I am an emotional mess strung out on steroids. 

I haven’t been able to get my steroid level right to keep the post bone marrow transplant HVG (host vs graft). So I am exhausted again, having major stomach issues and honestly pissed. 

As with all my crap, I expect to be able to bounce back and don’t think my healing should take as long as it does.

WRONG 

Now I am just praying to feel good on Saturday for my birthday party!

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Bone marrow biopsy

Yesterday we drove to Dallas to get my 3 month bone marrow biopsy. 

Here are a few pictures of what happens in there.






Yes that is the needle that was stuck into my hip to take out bone.

Luckily, I am able to get the “feel-good IV” and according to Eric he needs to record me while I am getting a biopsy because apparently I say some funny stuff while laying there being stuck with a 6 inch needle.

But all in all, Tuesday was super easy. Drive was easy, appointment was easy and drive home! 

Yesterday I was in bed all day because sitting up hurt. But I am happy to say all is well today.