My take on The Spoon Theory

Eric told me about this article he read called The SpoonTheory written by Christine Miserandino.  She has lupus and she writes a blog called But You Don't Look Sick.

The title of the blog really hit home with me. I know many other stage IV women, who when you first look at them you would never think they have stage IV cancer...heck before this whole brain mess, I was one of those while I was on the parp.  I now feel like I look sick...with my foot issue and the big scar and bald spot on the back of my head...you know - it is the little things. 

It really hit home with me because I have been having a hard time lately with my lack of energy and I always feel on the defense with others when I say I can’t do something. I mean, I look like I should feel fine, I look so much better than I did even a few a weeks ago, I am able to walk without a cane, so I should be back up and running…right??

I am nowhere near full speed…h*ll, I am not even near 25% of full speed most days.

Everything takes so much energy...takes a spoon or two or three from my pile.  I try to plan my days to have enough spoons left to share some with Ian and Eric…some days it works, some days it doesn’t.  And the hardest part is that I never know what the day will be like until the moment. Some days I wake feeling great and then crash, other days I feel good all day, still others I wake up tired, my foot is heavy and it is hard to move.

I am trying to be ok with this.  Some days I am ok with it, some days I’m not…I want more…more energy, more ability to walk, more feeling in my foot…all the things I pray for.

I pray for patience, for health, for grace, hope and so much more.

Please feel free to pray with me.  I have really found that when I ask for specific prayers from y’all, God works in even more amazing ways. Please pray for complete feeling to return to my right foot, to stay cancer free in my whole body today, tomorrow and always and love to always pour out of me.

So crazy to me...

This is still SUPER crazy to me…SUPER CRAZY.

In May or June (HA…I can’t remember!) of 2011, my sweet neighbor Holly from Holly Anissa asked me is she could take pictures of me and my bald head…I said sure.

When she gave me the pictures, she had me sign a release…I had no idea what for.  Then back in August – September (again, can’t remember exact details!) she briefly told me my pictures were a hit.  She might have told me more details, I might have asked more, but I don’t remember.

Then the other day I was outside and she came over to chat and for a hug and she told me again about my pictures and since I am more with it, I asked a little more.  Then she brought us veggie chili a few days later and I asked her more about the pictures and I told her that Eric’s parents had been telling us they could swear a picture of me was on a billboard on the way “up North” on the way to their lake house.  I really had NO IDEA what they were talking about…I kept telling Eric I was NOT on a billboard.

But after talking to Holly, she told me that yes I probably was on a bill board because she put my pictures on a site where people purchase pictures. And I guess cancer companies liked my pictures…here are some links (if I can remember how to post links…you think I am kidding!)

TriHealth Cancer Institute

Fred Hutchinson Research Center

Fred Hutchinson Reasearch Center donation page

Group Health

I have two billboard pictures (one from MI (Eric's parents) and one from Seatle (a pink ribbon cowgirl spotted it while in Seatle) but I can NOT for the life of me figure out how to post a picture from a file...it is times like these that I remember I had 2 brain surgeries and radiation within a 90 day period...when my brain doesn't work. 

Happenings lately...

A lot has happened this past week – and I am more than thrilled to report it is all excellent news.

I went to two orthotic places last week, and today I got a brace for what they call drop foot.  My right foot doesn’t stay up on its own all the way – which has been my whole problem with driving and walking…a limp right foot doesn’t do me any good!

So, I got my brace today and I am happy to report I think after some getting used to, I will soon be able to walk without a cane (when I am not tired because my foot tends to drop more when I am tired…which is common) AND we went to the big church parking lot by our house again to practice driving…again it will take some getting used to but it is going to be VERY doable!!

I went with mom this morning and afternoon to take and pick up Ian, my energy is returning a little more every day and life is getting better and easier.

I found this great app on my phone BiOY Bible in One Year – I have been wanting to read the whole bible for a long time and this app really helps…I always have it with me and it is broken down into different lessons with stories which REALLY help me understand it all better.

I thought more happened, but I can’t remember now…my short-term memory is horrible lately!!

Happy New Year and more!

Things are FINALLY looking better around here.

We had a wonderful New Year’s Eve – Eric cooked out steaks, mom made potatoes, Ian got to have a hot dog, we popped popcorn, watched a movie and did a few fireworks out in the street.  For all that we were able to bargain with Ian to sleep into 7:40…Eric loved that since he is the awesome one who always gets up with Ian being as sleep after treatment is always great for me.

Wednesday, mom, Ian and Ian were able to meet Teri, Zach and Parker at Jungle Java for a play date. It was so amazing to be able to get out and go do something with Ian and friends again – I mean….SO AMAZING. I must say I am really tired right now, but it was so worth it.

Friday we went over to Teri and Zach’s to celebrate mom’s birthday – it was a lot of fun. Saturday I practiced driving for the first time!! I had to use my right foot for the gas and my left for the brake – I just didn’t and still don’t trust my right foot to get over to the brake in time! But for my first spin out – it went great! Mom took me out yesterday and it went even better. Saturday night we took mom out to eat at Salt Lick for her real birthday dinner – oh it was good! Sunday I was beat – I was in and out of bed all day napping on and off…that just shows me how much my body is still recovering from everything.

I had BSI (treatment drug) last Monday, Thursday, yesterday and this coming Thursday.

I am still VERY swollen from the steroids – like my face is looks like I have gained probably 40 pounds…whatever – I am totally over it and what I look like.  Last week was the last of one of the steroids and today was the last of the second one, so I am really hoping this swelling goes down fast!

I am having my PT guy come over this morning to help me with my walking, then I plan on taking it easy until Ian gets home around 2:30.

I hope y’all had a wonderful holiday season, a great New Year.