Project Renee

I have come to the conclusion I do much better with myself and life in general if I have a project to work on. I LOVED working on Shop, Sip & Share, I am always trying to get my business ideas to turn into something, I am thriving turning our new house into a home – I need projects, I thrive with projects but here is my problem with projects. I start too many little ones and don’t finish them, they pile up, stress me out and then, I am left with a pile of unfinished small projects that never seem to get done; however, I will jump into a big project head first, without looking back. Why is that? I don’t know but I decided just now, that I need to jump into my business project with the same ump.

How do I do this? I DON’T KNOW – any ideas, let me hear them. Amanda sent the girls a link yesterday to this painting with a twist place: http://www.paintingwithatwist.com/ and it got me so excited, I could hardly see straight – this is a perfect description of what I would LOVE to have with my cards/scrapbooking/etc classes. Now, I know I can’t swing the whole building thing, but I would love to be able to have classes like this, either at my house or someone else’s house a few times a week, drink wine (YES, I will count those f-in’ calories) and bam, that be my project forever.

Now, I need a map so to say. I do much better with a plan, an outline, whatever – I have to know my path that I am going on. And I figure me saying it all out loud (well, not really but writing it for y’all to see) makes it real, makes it on the table questions that people can ask me about – and I don’t want to have to say, well, I haven’t done anything with that idea. I want to be able to say, well, funny thing – I have office classes during Ian’s mother’s day out time and a class or two booked in the evening – WEEKLY!

Now this is where I am going to ask y’all for help – anyone read this who has marketing expertise to give to me, anyone who can help me develop a plan of attack (a reasonable one – mine are always VERY unreasonable), anyone with an ideas to get this project rolling – let me know. I am all ears and all ready to go!

101 list check in

I realized I hadn't checked in on my 101 list lately, which really isn't even a 101 list, because I never put down 101 things. HOWEVER, is it a list and I will be happy with that for the time being.
Things to mark complete:
b club fundraising - $1600 in 2009; more to come in 2010
Call grandparents weekly - done and still doing
Buy reused stuff - I have been doing great checking craigslist before going to the store. I bought 90% of Ian's Christmas gifts used, just bought a coffee table and 2 ikea bookcases from craigslist. I would buy used granite if I could find it :)
Ian: I have taught him his colors; numbers - he can count to 20 and to 10 in Spanish (I didn't teach him, but hey, he does it!) signs ABC's (not 100% correct, but is getting there); recognizes letters as letters (when he sees signage, he says A B C); he says Sendelbach Dictatorship (I told him he ran a tight dictatorship and he said, Sendelbach Dictatorship - funny stuff, especially how is says Send-el- BACHHHHHHHHHHHHH)
Card Class business - have held a few card classes and still getting things going
STAY CANCER FREE - so far, so good, so I am going to check that one as DONE!!
I think I need more defined goals to work with on here. Hell, I do a lot of stuff that isn't on here - maybe I should put it all on here? Nah, that takes away the fun of it. All is all, I am happy with what I have accomplished on this list and look forward to completely it and adding more.

A follow-up to "My Heart"....

I was surprised at how many people called or emailed me to check on me - thank you for your concern. I wrote that in the middle of last week while my mom and aunt Tammy were struggling with a lot of stuff effecting their parents, my grandma and grandpa, who I went to California to visit.
In past 3 weeks a lot has happened in California and I just would like to be able to be there to help more or at least help take away some pain (which in reality I know is not possible.) My uncle Bob passed away, then last week Tammy came home to find grandpa doubled over from exhaustion, which totally freaked her - how could she deal with two major loses in her life within weeks of each other. She sent him to the dr. the next day and we found out he had A LOT of fluid on his body due to stress and his congestive heart failure. The stress comes from taking care of grandma day in and day out. She has altztimers (spelling??) and completely relies on him for everything and I mean EVERYTHING and his body couldn't take it anymore. So, the decision was made to put grandma in a nursing home, which broke all our hearts. She was going to "day care" 3 days a week and while she was there, she missed grandpa tremendously and even asked one of her nurses if family members just don't come to pick them up? All of this is so to take - I don't want grandma is a nursing home, yet I don't want grandpa killing himself to take care of her. It sucks is all there is to say about it at this point.
Her first night in the nursing home was last night, she didn't sleep and she kept asking where grandpa was and if he left her there - no, this will not be easy on anyone.

My Heart

Just when I thought it couldn't hurt anymore
I learned
I was mistaken
Mistaken on so many levels
My heart
hurts
My heart
is in small tiny pieces
of love, agony, despair
I want to wave a magic wand
to alter the known outcome
to take away the aching hearts of us all
-my family
It seems unfair at this point in the game
to have to make these decisions
about where the road will lead us next

2009 in review

Well, 2009 came in with a blaze and is going out with one as well. This year has hands down been the most trying yet rewarding year of my entire life. I decide last night, I am going to start recapping months, so I will always remember the whole picture when looking back at my life. I will recap 2009 monthly as well as I can remember.
January – Finished up my 16 week stint of chemo. January 12th was my last treatment – thank goodness, I was worn down by that time and was wondering if I could continue with the treatments.
January 30th – had my lumpectomy and limp nodes removed. I was elated to hear that the margins of the lumpectomy and the limp nodes were all clear. That was the only news I was willing to accept at that point.
February: We went on a cruise with Eric’s family. It was great to get away but hind sight, I would not take a cruise only 4 weeks after finishing chemo and 2 weeks after surgery – especially with an 18 month old! I was tired and depression was starting to set in (unbeknown to me) and while it was nice to be away, I wasn’t physically nor mentally ready for it. After returning home, I realized something was worn with me and I needed more help than I could achieve with yoga and running, so I made the decision to finally ask my oncologist for anti-drepression medicine. This was a very hard thing to admit that I needed this, but I did and I am SO thankful I came to grips with my depression/anxiety.
March: I started my 37 treatments of radiation. I remember the day my radiation oncologist told me I would have to have 37 treatments, I did the quick math in head and almost lost it – 7 weeks is a LONG ASS time to go to daily treatments. I had been told up until that point, I would more than likely have to receive 5 weeks – 2 more weeks at this point seemed like an enternity to me. Radaition was hard for many reasons. My hair had started to grow back, so people immediately assumed I should be fine and I shouldn’t be tired and I should pick up where I left off. However, it wasn’t like that at all, and the pressure I felt (either real or imagined) gave me more anxiety with all the decisions I was struggling to make.
April was a huge month for me: I had to stop radiation for a week due to my skin being so burned it couldn’t take anymore. Again, this was another blow to me - I was so ready to be done with radiation but at the same time I knew I had to take a break because I was in so much pain. Eric and I celebrated 4 years of marriage – a crazy 4 years! I made the decision I had been wavering with FOREVER final – I quit work and it was such a huge relief to get it off my chest – that job didn’t fulfill me in the way I needed to be fulfilled in order to be away from Ian all day, everyday.
May was another huge month for me. My 31st birthday came and went and I still look back at all this and think, wow, only 31 years old – yes, sometimes I think of myself in 3rd person! Ian started staying home with me and that was one of hardest yet best transitions of my life. Like any new job, it takes a while to figure out the learning curve, but it was hard and I was scared he was going to fire me. BUT, we made it through and there isn’t any other way I would have it.
June was a good month. I started to get in the swing of my new “work role,” we DROVE to Florida to visit Marci, which to my surprise was not all that bad – the drive that is, not our visit!
July, I was still picking up steam. I decided to start running again, which to my dismay, I could barely run 10 minutes at a time – talk about a downer. We went to Michigan to visit Eric’s family and started to plan Ian’s 2nd birthday party.
August was a little rougher – with all my ups came a down, a big fat rock bottom down. I went to see a talk therapist and all the emotions I had pent up came pouring out, my period came back and my baby turned 2.
September – marked my cancerversary.
October – Went to California to visit my aunt Tammy, Uncle Bob, grandma and grandpa. Did 2 craft fairs that didn’t turn out to good AT ALL – oh well, live and learn.
November – Race for the Cure – which was a blast! We bought a new house, I finally had my appointment with Dr. H and learned that a baby isn’t in our immediate future but hopefully in a year or two and we went to MI for Thanksgiving.
December – Shop, Sip & Share came together beautifully, although, it was cold out that night. Christmas was great until the news came in about Bob and then a quick trip to California.
It has been a long year, filled with many tears, much heartache, many smiles and a ton of happy moments.