Well, 2009 came in with a blaze and is going out with one as well. This year has hands down been the most trying yet rewarding year of my entire life. I decide last night, I am going to start recapping months, so I will always remember the whole picture when looking back at my life. I will recap 2009 monthly as well as I can remember.
January – Finished up my 16 week stint of chemo. January 12th was my last treatment – thank goodness, I was worn down by that time and was wondering if I could continue with the treatments.
January 30th – had my lumpectomy and limp nodes removed. I was elated to hear that the margins of the lumpectomy and the limp nodes were all clear. That was the only news I was willing to accept at that point.
February: We went on a cruise with Eric’s family. It was great to get away but hind sight, I would not take a cruise only 4 weeks after finishing chemo and 2 weeks after surgery – especially with an 18 month old! I was tired and depression was starting to set in (unbeknown to me) and while it was nice to be away, I wasn’t physically nor mentally ready for it. After returning home, I realized something was worn with me and I needed more help than I could achieve with yoga and running, so I made the decision to finally ask my oncologist for anti-drepression medicine. This was a very hard thing to admit that I needed this, but I did and I am SO thankful I came to grips with my depression/anxiety.
March: I started my 37 treatments of radiation. I remember the day my radiation oncologist told me I would have to have 37 treatments, I did the quick math in head and almost lost it – 7 weeks is a LONG ASS time to go to daily treatments. I had been told up until that point, I would more than likely have to receive 5 weeks – 2 more weeks at this point seemed like an enternity to me. Radaition was hard for many reasons. My hair had started to grow back, so people immediately assumed I should be fine and I shouldn’t be tired and I should pick up where I left off. However, it wasn’t like that at all, and the pressure I felt (either real or imagined) gave me more anxiety with all the decisions I was struggling to make.
April was a huge month for me: I had to stop radiation for a week due to my skin being so burned it couldn’t take anymore. Again, this was another blow to me - I was so ready to be done with radiation but at the same time I knew I had to take a break because I was in so much pain. Eric and I celebrated 4 years of marriage – a crazy 4 years! I made the decision I had been wavering with FOREVER final – I quit work and it was such a huge relief to get it off my chest – that job didn’t fulfill me in the way I needed to be fulfilled in order to be away from Ian all day, everyday.
May was another huge month for me. My 31st birthday came and went and I still look back at all this and think, wow, only 31 years old – yes, sometimes I think of myself in 3rd person! Ian started staying home with me and that was one of hardest yet best transitions of my life. Like any new job, it takes a while to figure out the learning curve, but it was hard and I was scared he was going to fire me. BUT, we made it through and there isn’t any other way I would have it.
June was a good month. I started to get in the swing of my new “work role,” we DROVE to Florida to visit Marci, which to my surprise was not all that bad – the drive that is, not our visit!
July, I was still picking up steam. I decided to start running again, which to my dismay, I could barely run 10 minutes at a time – talk about a downer. We went to Michigan to visit Eric’s family and started to plan Ian’s 2nd birthday party.
August was a little rougher – with all my ups came a down, a big fat rock bottom down. I went to see a talk therapist and all the emotions I had pent up came pouring out, my period came back and my baby turned 2.
September – marked my cancerversary.
October – Went to California to visit my aunt Tammy, Uncle Bob, grandma and grandpa. Did 2 craft fairs that didn’t turn out to good AT ALL – oh well, live and learn.
November – Race for the Cure – which was a blast! We bought a new house, I finally had my appointment with Dr. H and learned that a baby isn’t in our immediate future but hopefully in a year or two and we went to MI for Thanksgiving.
December – Shop, Sip & Share came together beautifully, although, it was cold out that night. Christmas was great until the news came in about Bob and then a quick trip to California.
It has been a long year, filled with many tears, much heartache, many smiles and a ton of happy moments.