It still creeps in

I hate to say this but as time passes by, I do forget large and small events of my life until something jolts my memory back to remembering…so, I guess “forget” isn’t the correct word.  I guess a better phrase would be, certain memories are on the back burner. 

Then BAM, Facebook tells me it is a birthday of a friend….but that friend is with the Angels now.  

She was my first Stage 4 friend to pass away.

We got to know each other as mommies who were trading Sky Landers for our kids…yes, it still makes me roll my eyes and smile at the same time thinking about what I did to get Ian the stupid Sky Landers that he wanted.  It was a way for me to make myself be “okay” with me having cancer…buy him off…yes I say that only half joking.

I met Dinora at a Pink Ribbon Cowgirls meeting. I was diagnosed Stage 4 and had become NED in my body all before she was diagnosed Stage 4 and soon after passed away.  I remember her calling me to tell me it was in her brain, and how scared she was and begging me to tell her what I did to get the cancer in my body to go away…

I wish I had an answer for her.

I wish I had an answer for all the others after her who have asked me the same question.

I prayed a lot.  But I know others do too.

I visualized the cancer in me being eaten like Pac Man.

I don’t know what made the cancer in my body go away and the cancer in others not?

Yes, I am still left with survivor’s guilt when I stop and think about it. 

Maybe survivor’s guilt isn’t the right word…survivor’s questions. 

My work

I don’t know where or when I got the idea that everything I do has to be something new and awe inspiring. I have been stuck with my art lately thinking I need to do something new.  So, I will spend too much time online looking, thinking how I could change this or that to make it my style. Then I end up doing nothing because I don’t feel a real connection to actually making a different style.

That was until a friend of mine showed my “old work” to her hair salon, and the owner wants to feature my work on the salon walls.

I laugh because when I do my “old style” I am so happy when I am painting.  I just sit and my hands start working and before I know it, I look down and have all this stuff I LOVE.

Verses now when I sometimes think to myself that I can’t paint my “old style” anymore because I need to push myself to grow.

Grow into what, I now question?

I make art that makes others and myself happy and that is really all I have ever said I wanted to do…so if I am to look at this question logically, I am already doing what I have said I wanted to do all along.

I need don’t to make some abstract art that shows my cancer journey (although I do want to)…I can make bright happy art to uplift and inspire others.

Instead of calling it my "old work," I am just going to call it what it is...my work.

Getting back at it!

Getting back at it!

Man alive, I know I totally dropped off of here like a hot…well, I don’t know what, but something.

First things first, thank you all for the sweet get well wishes.  I honestly never knew pneumonia could take a person out like that?! I honestly felt like I was on my first ever chemo (Adriamycin/ Cytoxan) again....

BUT I am now getting better now and am oh so happy about it!

Many have asked when my book signing will be, and I am thinking it will be in August. I am going to start sending books to hospitals and magazines who have used my pictures in their campaigns to see if I can get any traction that way?! 

Oh, I started painting again! I will start showing snippets on Instagram. I have envisioned a whole line of canvases called “I AM”.  At first I was thinking only for kid’s rooms, but now I am working on it, I can easily see sets of these it in all rooms! My goal is to have a completed set to show you this afternoon…don’t 100% hold me to it because we are still settling into summer routine around here.

OH huge crazy thing has/is happenings…My great friend, Holley Kitchen made a video to educate about the reality of Stage 4 Breast Cancer, and it has gone VIRAL! I mean like 50 MILLION views. Here is a link to it: 

Enjoy the video, and I will see you on FB and Instagram over the next few days!  

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