Tuesday, December 20, 2011

It hits home…

Too many things have happened these past few days that makes my stomach turn and scares the crap out of me.
One of our Pink Ribbon Cowgirls passed away – she was young….my age young and had a 4 year-old-son. My heart hurts for family and friends and especially her son.

Then I just got an email update from another PRC, she stopped chemo September 15 and was free and clear of the C word – it is back and she has to start chemo again.

I don’t get it. I do so good at thinking I am doing good and thinking I have it all under control and then something like this happens and I think, this could so easily be me.

It is fine line I am trying not to cross – thinking about these people, their situations, their hurt and in turn thinking “what if” that is me again? It could so easily be me again.
 It sucks, cancer sucks.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Ian









Here are some pictures from Ian's Christmas program at school.  They aren't very good pictures because the lighting was horrible, but cute none the less. He still isn't too interested in "preforming" which I can say he comes by honestly - neither Eric or me are preformers either :)
He is out of school until after the first of the year, so we will have some fun times together with my mom here to hang out and help!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Just Parp – part 2

Well, I can honestly say I am starting to feel better – a lot better. Yesterday I was still pretty tired, but I think that was from the zometa (bone stuff – yes, I still have to get that every 4 weeks).

Today, I hung with the boys all day! It was great to be able to hung out with Eric and Ian, get stuff done around the house, play, go to dinner with friends and not feel like I was going to fall asleep midsentence.

I have my parp tomorrow, bright and early so I can make it to Ian’s Christmas program at 12:30 and then I am off until December 30th – what a wonderful Christmas present that will be and even better one to feel a little bit better every day.

It is amazing how much I can tell a difference as each day passes – as I get more energy back. It is amazing how much I can now tell the chemo was beating me up and how I don’t ever want to go back there again.

I pray every day a thankful prayer of the miracle He gave me and continues to give me daily.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Maintenance

Well, yesterday was the first day of maintenance for me.

So many emotions ran through me yesterday: excitement of not being on chemo, scared of not being on chemo, hesitant of what is to come…and so much more.

It wasn’t as easy of a day as I had hoped for though. After the blood work came back, I was told I need another blood transfusion – my red counts are lower than they have ever been….so I am writing this from the hospital waiting on my blood to arrive.

After getting my blood drawn at the hospital, I left after being there too long only to receive a phone call from the nurse who drew my blood – she spelled my name wrong on the type and cross and I needed to go back to get more blood drawn – to say the least, I was pretty much done with yesterday.

This does explain why I have been so exhausted this past week in the evenings – exhausted as in going to bed to around 7:00 and sleeping all night.

After seeing my Dr again yesterday though, all the frustrations I had from the last appointment were totally gone. She was so excited about me being on just the parp and told me I am her only patient on just the parp – we are blazing new territory together. It is exciting, scary and so much more. She said she didn’t know what the trial company was going to say about me being on just the parp – which explains so much.

Bring on life without chemo!