I live with stage IV metastatic breast cancer that has caused 3 brain surgeries and leukemia that required a bone marrow transplant. . I like to write about life - and I don't hold back! My mission is to always remind myself and others anything is possible,
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Can I say CUTE?!?!?!
SO, how cute is this new blog? I know, super cute. Traci from sweetcheekydesigns.com redid my blog for her inspirational blog redo and I can’t even describe how much I love it! LOVE IT. She totally captured my personality here with this. Anyway, she is great and if you ever want a facelift on your blog, go see her!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Pissy
Pissy, pissy – P-I-S-SY!!!!!! I am so flippin’s pissy today it is killing me; yet, I cannot for the life of me make myself get out of it. All I think is – am I pissy from PMS – oh, nope, don’t have a period to cause that. How about stress from work – oh, nope don’t have a job to cause that. How about just being pissy because I am – I think that is it. UGH! Is my word for today. And I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I can’t get anything fully complete to save my life, I am forgetting things that aren’t written in my calendar and I am forgetting to write things in my calendar.
Bah-humbug…….
Bah-humbug…….
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Memories
The good, the bad and the ugly – they all come back so fast and make the present moment hard to stomach. Last week and part of this week was a rollercoaster of emotions -fears, joy, anxiety, – almost 9 months to the date of beginning diagnosed and 6 months after chemo, it was once again time for me to make my rounds to the doctors offices for my mammogram, ct scan, bone scan and finally to the oncologist.
The fear came racing back to me as I was told to sit in the waiting room with the TV turned on to the news and the volume turned up way too loud for me to read my book, still wearing my flimsy gown top – opened to the front, of course – just sitting there praying for 3 little words. When my tech came back, I literally felt myself gasp until I saw the smile on her face and then came the words – everything looks great. THANK YOU GOD. Mammogram – check. Ct and Bone scan – really, will these every get easier and will the shit they barium ever taste anything like the banana label on the front claims it will taste like? After a bottle and half of banana barium, I flat out said no the pineapple flavored goop they wanted me to swallow two tablespoons full of. I told her that I honestly thought I would vomit if I put that in my mouth. Yes, I realize that was a little extreme and childish, but come on – it was 8:30 in the morning, I couldn’t even have coffee and the thought of anything “fruit flavored” was not sitting well with me. CT scan – check. I had to leave for 3 hours for the dye they injected to really take effect, so I went to hang out with Laurie.always great fun. Back for the bone scan – nothing too exciting happened with this one.
Drum roll please……….ALL test are clear and good to go! Went to my oncologist Wednesday, where she reminded me that it will take a year or so for me to feel 100% again. It was funny, she asked me that if people assume now that all is fine and dandy because I have my hair back and I thought about it and yes, they do but I think I want to assume that as well. I know though I am not 100% and it aggravates me to no end, but what am I am going do? Nothing, I guess. I can’t make my body heal and recover any faster than it is. I am sad to say though, that my period has not returned. I honestly thought by some magical occurrence, the 6 month mark would bring my period back, my hormones and my normalness.
The fear came racing back to me as I was told to sit in the waiting room with the TV turned on to the news and the volume turned up way too loud for me to read my book, still wearing my flimsy gown top – opened to the front, of course – just sitting there praying for 3 little words. When my tech came back, I literally felt myself gasp until I saw the smile on her face and then came the words – everything looks great. THANK YOU GOD. Mammogram – check. Ct and Bone scan – really, will these every get easier and will the shit they barium ever taste anything like the banana label on the front claims it will taste like? After a bottle and half of banana barium, I flat out said no the pineapple flavored goop they wanted me to swallow two tablespoons full of. I told her that I honestly thought I would vomit if I put that in my mouth. Yes, I realize that was a little extreme and childish, but come on – it was 8:30 in the morning, I couldn’t even have coffee and the thought of anything “fruit flavored” was not sitting well with me. CT scan – check. I had to leave for 3 hours for the dye they injected to really take effect, so I went to hang out with Laurie.always great fun. Back for the bone scan – nothing too exciting happened with this one.
Drum roll please……….ALL test are clear and good to go! Went to my oncologist Wednesday, where she reminded me that it will take a year or so for me to feel 100% again. It was funny, she asked me that if people assume now that all is fine and dandy because I have my hair back and I thought about it and yes, they do but I think I want to assume that as well. I know though I am not 100% and it aggravates me to no end, but what am I am going do? Nothing, I guess. I can’t make my body heal and recover any faster than it is. I am sad to say though, that my period has not returned. I honestly thought by some magical occurrence, the 6 month mark would bring my period back, my hormones and my normalness.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Wow
Is really all I can say about these past few weeks. So much has happened and continues to happen Casa De S. Let's see, since I last update we have done a lot - we went to Michigan for a week to visit Eric's family at the lake house. Oh, that was great. It was so fun to see Ian, Paul and Abbigail play together, the weather was excellent - it never was warmer than 80 and the company was great. We are almost busting the seams at the house with everyone families expanding, but that makes it all the more fun! I will post pictures when I figure out where they are on this computer - I swear Eric has some cryptic way he organizes them. :)
Now, I must brag on my baby - who really isn't a baby any more and it breaks my heart but he is growing into such a wonder little boy. He has added about 10 - 12 new words to his vocab but he is really taking off with this motor skills. He climbed across that rope at Jungle Java (picture above) with no help, he learned to ride a scooter in MI (the kind that has 3 wheels verses 2) but he stumbled a few times, figured it out and was off. I am not 100% sure I think he knows that boat, bye-bye, ball and baby start with B - when I ask him what starts with B, he tells me those, so I am going to assume that isn't a lucky guess! All in all, he is doing great and I am not sure what I was ever worried about me not being able to teach him what he needs to know. He is learning so much more with me than he was at school and I am so greatful. NOW, don't get me wrong, he still enjoys MDO and so do I! We are still working on "sharing" and I have a feeling, we will always be working on that.
Now, I want to brag about me a little. I have managed to cook every single day since we got home last Tuesday and we even did this through the weekend. This is big for us - we always cave on the weekends, but this weekend, we did it and felt great about it. I am determined to cook at home because Eric and I decided we both need to lose a few lbs. Well, a few more than a few, but that is a start! I am on the path to getting organized - you noticed I said on the path not finished. I think organization is like sharing - we will both always need to work on it!
Now, I must brag on my baby - who really isn't a baby any more and it breaks my heart but he is growing into such a wonder little boy. He has added about 10 - 12 new words to his vocab but he is really taking off with this motor skills. He climbed across that rope at Jungle Java (picture above) with no help, he learned to ride a scooter in MI (the kind that has 3 wheels verses 2) but he stumbled a few times, figured it out and was off. I am not 100% sure I think he knows that boat, bye-bye, ball and baby start with B - when I ask him what starts with B, he tells me those, so I am going to assume that isn't a lucky guess! All in all, he is doing great and I am not sure what I was ever worried about me not being able to teach him what he needs to know. He is learning so much more with me than he was at school and I am so greatful. NOW, don't get me wrong, he still enjoys MDO and so do I! We are still working on "sharing" and I have a feeling, we will always be working on that.
Now, I want to brag about me a little. I have managed to cook every single day since we got home last Tuesday and we even did this through the weekend. This is big for us - we always cave on the weekends, but this weekend, we did it and felt great about it. I am determined to cook at home because Eric and I decided we both need to lose a few lbs. Well, a few more than a few, but that is a start! I am on the path to getting organized - you noticed I said on the path not finished. I think organization is like sharing - we will both always need to work on it!
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