Thursday, July 16, 2009

Memories

The good, the bad and the ugly – they all come back so fast and make the present moment hard to stomach. Last week and part of this week was a rollercoaster of emotions -fears, joy, anxiety, – almost 9 months to the date of beginning diagnosed and 6 months after chemo, it was once again time for me to make my rounds to the doctors offices for my mammogram, ct scan, bone scan and finally to the oncologist.

The fear came racing back to me as I was told to sit in the waiting room with the TV turned on to the news and the volume turned up way too loud for me to read my book, still wearing my flimsy gown top – opened to the front, of course – just sitting there praying for 3 little words. When my tech came back, I literally felt myself gasp until I saw the smile on her face and then came the words – everything looks great. THANK YOU GOD. Mammogram – check. Ct and Bone scan – really, will these every get easier and will the shit they barium ever taste anything like the banana label on the front claims it will taste like? After a bottle and half of banana barium, I flat out said no the pineapple flavored goop they wanted me to swallow two tablespoons full of. I told her that I honestly thought I would vomit if I put that in my mouth. Yes, I realize that was a little extreme and childish, but come on – it was 8:30 in the morning, I couldn’t even have coffee and the thought of anything “fruit flavored” was not sitting well with me. CT scan – check. I had to leave for 3 hours for the dye they injected to really take effect, so I went to hang out with Laurie.always great fun. Back for the bone scan – nothing too exciting happened with this one.

Drum roll please……….ALL test are clear and good to go! Went to my oncologist Wednesday, where she reminded me that it will take a year or so for me to feel 100% again. It was funny, she asked me that if people assume now that all is fine and dandy because I have my hair back and I thought about it and yes, they do but I think I want to assume that as well. I know though I am not 100% and it aggravates me to no end, but what am I am going do? Nothing, I guess. I can’t make my body heal and recover any faster than it is. I am sad to say though, that my period has not returned. I honestly thought by some magical occurrence, the 6 month mark would bring my period back, my hormones and my normalness.
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