Friday, December 5, 2014

Unknown road


Doubt

It amazes me how easily doubt can creep into my mind and start taking root in my heart.

It isn’t doubt about God, my health, my family.

It is doubt about what I do.

It is doubt about wondering if it matters.

It is doubt about my ability to touch others where  I have been touched by others…way deep in my heart.

I create – I create inspirational art meant to be hung in places where all can see and take in the loving messages the pieces hold.

I envision it in a young girl’s room – there to brighten the walls AND to tell her that she is great – just the way she is.

I envision it in a teenagers room to encourage her to follow her OWN path and not the path of others.

I envision it as a gift given to a friend going through cancer treatments…just a little token of love for friends or family to remind her how loved she is.

I envision it hanging on the walls of chemo rooms to brighten the walls.

I envision it in children’s hospitals to life the spirits of those who are there.

I envision it in OBGYN offices to give the soon to be mom something fun to look at while she is there.

I  want my pieces to be those pieces that the onlooker just has  stop to really look at, to take a pictures of it and found out more about the person behind the art.

 

I write – I write about my life…all my life. 

I envision my writings to take hold of the reader and shake them by the shoulders and shake them in a gentle loving way…shake them to help then see what life is about.

I envision me speaking to audiences – telling them my story of heartache, despair, sadness but driving home the Hope that has always been in my heart through it all.

I look at this list and explode with excitement…but only for a moment.

Then the doubts enter my happy bubble and one by one and before I know it, my bubble it about to burst from all those little doubts that entered.

Then I hear almost a laugh and I feel shame for thinking who am I to even think I could be like Oprah, Brene Brown, Kelly Rea Roberts and so many others who are able to send the message of Love and it reach SO MANY others.

I am still learning though...
these things take time.
these things I want to do.

And it is that part that scares me.
What if I don’t have the time?
What if I don’t have what it takes?

Then I remind myself that even those people I look up to had/have times like these.
I guess I am at the crossroad.

I either keep on the path that I am on…even if I don’t see anyone for miles.
I have that feeling in my heart to keep on going.  That feeling that have never led me to a bad place yet.

But it is scary on this road NOT knowing where exactly it will lead me.
OR, I could take the other road.  Everything on that road is on the surface – you get what you see.  There is no digging required.

I have been on that road many times before.
I am pretty sure that road is not meant for me being as I have been placed on my unknown road so many times.

I guess it is the time I finally walk this unknown road?!?!
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