Friday, November 14, 2014

The world doesn’t stop


The world doesn’t stop

I cleaned out my email today and noticed the junk mail from Dec 2013 – April 2014.
Apparently, I never checked my mail those months?

Those aren't the only a set of months I have lost from cancer.

Lost in time.
Never to be given back to me.

I don’t remember anything from last Christmas or April, 2014 due to narcosis growing in brain.
All I remember is how bad my head hurt all the time, and how little energy I had.  I was sleeping 12-15 hours a day during the worst parts of it.

I have other random blocks of time missing from my memory due to either or all: chemo, surgery, radiation, steroids, narcosis or depression.

I don’t know if my brain doesn’t let me see these times in order to protect me in my now?
I don’t know if my brain actually doesn’t remember these times?

Either way...it doesn’t matter.

But what I do know from all these times, is that all these times that I don’t remember, the world kept going.
I guess it had to?!

Best friends had babies, friends got married/divorced, new businesses opened and/or closed, neighbors came, neighbors left, friend's cancer got better or worse, and so much more.
I look around at all that has happened and I wonder where I was in the midst of it all?

I wonder if this is how Alice felt in Wonderland?
I will never really know, but I will still wonder just the same.
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