My then verses my now

Day to day

2004

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday was the same song and dance – week after week.

The alarm started beeping at me earlier than I thought it should.

The beep from hell.

BEEP BEEP BEEP – it blared in my ear.

Ugh I couldn't help thinking to myself as I slowly roll out of bed resenting the fact that I once again had to get up earlier than I felt like.

Resenting the fact that I didn’t know what I was going to wear because nothing seemed to fit right after those 10 pounds I gained.

With heavy feet, I would stumble into the bathroom to start the water for my shower.  All I could think about is how nice going back to bed would be.

The pounding water wakes me up a bit while I day dream about Happy Hour after work with my friends.

It was the looking forward to Happy Hour that got me through the day.

The day was full of spreadsheets, listening to people complain that something wasn’t working just right, emails to try to fix problems from the comfort of my office verses going to talk to someone in person.

At straight up 5:00, I pushed my forward button on my phone and I couldn’t wait to see what was around the next corner because I was over what on this side of the corner.

It was poker night with my girls and I was ready for friend time.

It was the same every time, but this same never got old.

All six of us girls showed up, with wine and cash in hand ready for the night ahead.

After the first cork was popped, there was no stopping us.

We talked about our weeks, laughed, helped each other with life problems, talked and laughed more, and soaked up every minute of our time together.

10:00 would roll around too quick.

We would then have to decide if we were all in, or if we were out.

Sometimes we would all stay the night. Even with too many bottles of wine in us, we knew what we needed to do.

The next day was the same song and dance as the day before, only with a slight headache and puffy eyes.

2014

Nothing seems to stay the same from day to day.

I miss those days when I knew what was around the next corner.

At the beginning of 2014, I couldn’t even plan what time I would get up the next morning, get because I was exhausted all the time.

Some nights I would sleep 14 hours straight, some nights I couldn’t sleep at all.

I had narcosis growing in my brain again, and I never knew when a depilating headache would strike.

I lived in fear of what was going to happen next.

August, 2014 I am still No Evidence of Disease!

I did walking lunges at PT today while he kicked my ass with new stability exercises.

I drove to FedEx to mail my artwork to a best friend.

I played with Ian.

I sold stuff on-line to raise money for a friend.

November, 2014

My book is being printed!

My artwork is taking off!

I have ventured to the new Whole Foods…this is a BIG deal to me!

I went to the career fair at my son’s school to tell them what an artist does all day. I was SO honored to be asked to be there.

I used to be obsessed with what I could no longer do.

In these past few months I have really been focusing on what I CAN now do that I couldn’t even 6 months ago.

Walk by myself
Drive
Be with Ian after school
Write
Paint
Exercise
Just be...be happy to be where I am

 

I am now learning it is the day to day stuff that makes us who we are.  I have spent too much time longing for the next part of my life to get here when all I am really doing is missing what is happening in the now.