Looking Back

I have been looking back over my whole cancer journey for the book I am trying to write.

I must admit, it is rocking my world again.

I can’t help but wonder if I should go on with it?

I know I need to get this out of me,  but that doesn’t make it any easier to relive it all again.

But then I wonder, what in the hell am I even going to do with this said book? 

Will it really help others?

If I was fresh off the diagnosis train, I sure as hell wouldn’t want me to be the first person I ran into. I wouldn’t want to hear my story only to think, man that sounds horrible. I hope that isn’t me.

But then I have to remember to look at this not from that point of view, but from my heart’s point of view. The point of view that others say they see me in.

I am once again scared.

Scared of what will really happen if I get this book out there. 

What if nothing happens? 

Does that mean there really was/is no meaning to all the shit I have gone through and continue to go through?