Friday, August 30, 2013

Happy Anniversary?!?!

I can’t say I am one who remembers or even really talk about any of my “cancerversaries” (notice I say ies…as in too many to remember).

But today is one I couldn’t let slip by without talking about.

One year ago today, right about this time, I was being told I had a large mass in my brain.

Large as in more than 5 cm.

That yes, my cancer had once again decided to try to move to a residence in my body.

That yes I would need brain surgery.

That yes the family was coming to Austin to be here with us.

That yes once again, our sweet family was going to be rocked in ways we never knew were possible.

In one short year, I have had 3 brain surgeries, 2 brain radiations, countless doses of chemo, changed chemo drugs, been on steroids too many times and I am sure there is stuff I am forgetting – you know, the 3 brain surgeries and all.

This year tore layers off of me I didn’t know were there to be torn.

There were days I was pretty sure I would never really be cancer free.

There were days I didn’t want to try anymore.  I didn’t want to try to live this new life that had been thrown at me with no one asking me if I was ok with it – I was ready to throw in towel one way or another.

This past year has hands down been the hardest year of my life.

But I don’t want to live my life around my cancer calendar.  We have also traveled, moved into a new house, watched Ian graduate Pre-K,  walk him to and from kinder daily, be with friends and family and just enjoy life.

Some days I get all worked up about some small something – I am not eating enough veggies, the kitchen is still a mess from this morning (right now actually), I can only do one “major” activity a day without being beat down tired, I am looking into the guest room that is still piled high with moving boxes, but then I snap out of it and remember who cares – at least I don’t have another brain tumor!
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