Saturday, September 1, 2012


I have tried to come up with witty titles and well, the only one I am able to think of is:

Third time is a charm?!?!

Yesterday was a day like no other. Ian and I were running errands and after our stop at Pier One, we were walking down the stairs to go Party City to start looking at Halloween stuff…because you know…why wouldn’t we start looking and thinking about Halloween costumes two months in advance?!?! Exactly.

While walking down the stairs my right side kind of went numb – not all the way numb but for me to get it to work, I had to think the thought – “move right hand” over and over to get it to move. I called Eric right away because I was thinking driving wasn’t the best idea! Then Eric and I thought it might be from low blood sugar, so we went to get some lunch. At lunch, the numbness got worse and my right foot was heavy…I could still move it, but it was heavy and weird.

I called Dr. H and she said go to ER...YIKES that freaked me out.

 Got to ER, Dr. H had already called, so we were able to go right back..hey, I guess having an oncologist that rocks has its perks?!

Eric left me there and took Ian over to Teri’s because we had no idea how long we would be there and let’s just say, a 5 year old + ER doesn’t equal happiness.

They did an immediate EKG then Dr. H ordered an MRI.

Waited for the MRI results…

ER doctor came in to give us the news…definitely NOT what we were expecting.

ER doctor told me that there is a mass in my brain.

Not sure why, but every time I get this news, I expect the doctor to pause and say, “Just Kidding…you are good to go…get on out of here.”

I waited for it…for him to say those next few lines…

He didn’t.

So me and Eric did what we do – we hug, we cry, we say it sucks, we hug some more – then we shake it off, pull on our brave pants and ask what comes next…where do we go from here.

The neurosurgeon came in to talk to us (I thought he was at the hospital and just stopped by, but come to find out from Dr. H this morning, she called him yesterday and asked him to stop by to talk to us) score 14,857 for Dr. H being awesome!

He showed us the MRI and the mass is on the back of my brain. It is 2-3 cm large and mostly liquid.

As far as having a mass on the brain goes, this one is in a REALLY good place – it isn’t in a place that could affect memory, speech, personality, body movement, etc.  Gina told me they better not take the crazy out of me…don’t worry…I will still be me…just without a piece of my brain.

Next steps: PET scan on Tuesday or Wednesday; consult with brain Dr; surgery on Thursday or Friday.

In the meantime, mom and Tammy are flying in today. Rachele and dad will be here for surgery. Eric’s parents want to come also, but I think we will have them wait a few weeks.

Dr. H called to touch base with me this morning. She said if I was to have to get another tumor, this is the best place to get one – it can be cut out, radiated and good to go.  She laughed and said it sounds weird, but more than anything this is just a major inconvenience – which I say all the time…cancer is just one big pain in my ass.

If you are the praying type – will you please pray a few things:

 ~ Dr. H gets approval for me to stay on BSI (trial drug – they MIGHT see this as me being not NED, but she said that is stupid because systemically, I am NED.  None of the chemo drugs I have had can cross the blood brain barrier…therefore; there has been no way for any drugs to get to my brain.)

~ Surgery is easy and I don’t miss any of my brain

~ PET shows no evidence of disease

I know Eric & I have the strength and grace to make it through this bump in the road.

We are faithful that God is good and He does have a bigger plan for us.

Does that make it suck any less…no, it still sucks, but it will be ok. 

I still feel that I have a long life ahead of me. I still feel like I will be here to help Ian grow up into an amazing man, to love and support Eric, to make my friends laugh, to simmer my mom and sister down, to paint to the world, to write a book…to laugh and love.
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