Friday, November 11, 2011

First time for everything

Today was the first time I can say I wasn’t happy with my doctor.
First the wonderfully great news – my PET/CT scan from Wednesday shows no evidence of metastatic disease – which is what I have been praying for all along. This is such a huge place to be and I am truly thankful for this miracle.

On the other hand, I am pissed about today – it is a hard place to be to want to be so thankful for a miracle yet pissed at my doctor.

Long story short – or as short as I can make it.

She didn’t seem at all happy about the NED report from the PET scan – first thing that I am pissed about. Then she kept saying “when” it comes back…”when” NOT “IF” but “when”, which really pisses me off because she doesn’t know for sure it is going to come back…no one does. The data might show others in my position, stage 4 triple negative, that it comes back after being in remission for some time, BUT it isn’t 100%...and that is what also pissed me off.

She wants me to do another 2 full cycles of chemo – so four more times of Friday/Monday treatments – whatever, I am fine with that. Then she said she hopes for me to be able to take a break for at least 6 months and “when” it comes back, we will do more biopsies and possibly another treatment tactic – I zoned out at this point because honestly, I didn’t want to listen to it anymore. I plan on proving her “when” thought completely wrong. Now as far as the parp being my maintenance, still nobody knows if that is possible – another thing that pissed me off. I would think the drug company of the parp would have a plan for people getting to NED and them staying on only the parp and not chemo to show what wonderful things the parp does – I guess not.

I am SO trying to get past all this, be in the moment of thankfulness of remission, get through these next four treatments and move on to something else….ugh…cancer s*cks.

Please pray for my counts to stay up during these next four treatments and for a maintenance plan to be in place at the end of these four treatments – ideally the parp.
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