Saturday, October 8, 2011

A walking zombie…

Is what I have felt like most of the week – or what I assume a walking zombie feels like? It seems no matter how much I “rest” I am still exhausted – not tired enough to sleep but too tired to actually do anything else. I have been on the verge of breaking down most of week – these are the days when I question how much longer I can stay on chemo and feel like sh*t?
My blood work yesterday showed that my nuetrafills are super low – almost none existence...they were .3 and 1.5 is actually the lowest they like them to go…so pretty much right now I have no immune system which makes total sense when I feel like sh*t. Lisa, the nurse prac, and Lauren, the research nurse, came over to talk to me after my counts came back so low. They lowered my actual chemo yesterday in hopes of helping my body bounce back. Lisa also told me any sign of fever to call them immediately and to just lay low this weekend. Lauren and I talked too – I asked her if she knew about other patients on the trial and if they were able to just do the parp and no chemo if they came back NED – she said yes she did and the trial takes it all on a case by case basis. I do believe God sent me her to talk to yesterday and tell me that because I was starting to get a hopeless with the thought of this current chemo going on forever. I know nothing is set in stone and it all depends on my PET scan, which is scheduled for November 9th! I am trying to keep my mind off of it and still take this all one day at a time – much easier said than done!!

Yesterday was a long day – I got there at 8:30 and left at 3:00 – it was a zometa day and with all the blood work coming back bad, that added time too for them to figure it all out.

I feel a little broken down from this week…I am really praying that the nuelasta shot on Monday helps me bounce back….even if it is just a little.

It is weird to feel this broken down with the great news from last week, but I guess my counts don't care what the great news was.
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