This past week was a tough week for me – very tough.
My fatigue seemed to take on a new life of its own and my mind wouldn’t turn off so when I was trying to rest, I wasn’t able to.
I realized something this week though – I think depression has set in more – which is such an weird thing because I all I want to do it think of my last CT scan and the wonderful words on it, but I still have these hopeless feelings, lack of desire, and a sadness – crying at the drop of a hat.
I know, it would seem that I could easily chalk these emotions/feelings up to chemo, but I have been depressed before and this feels all too familiar.
I am going to find a talk therapist and talk to my oncologist to up my lexapro.
Going through this makes me wonder though – how many times does a person going through chemo or any major illness become depressed and it gets does get chalked up to chemo side effects?
Feeling depressed sucks. I tried to tell myself I could snap out of it or to stop feeling sorry for myself, but I know this is something I can’t just snap out of on my own…just like I can’t make my cancer go away without chemo.
I live with stage IV metastatic breast cancer that has caused 3 brain surgeries and leukemia that required a bone marrow transplant. . I like to write about life - and I don't hold back! My mission is to always remind myself and others anything is possible,
2 comments:
(((Renee))) I'm so sorry you are dealing with depression on top of the cancer and chemo. It's completely overwhelming and just the thought of calling a therapist must seem daunting. I'm going through a depression too and haven't had the internal push to call for help yet. I'm so sorry. You aren't alone and I love you very much. If there is anything I can do, just let me know.
Dear Renée,
How could you stop feeling how you feel at any given time?! If you could posibly open the door to just accepting the way you feel, however unconfortable or painful... this could be a start to just be more at peace with it.
Maybe no wonder that, upon hearing good news, you let your guard off and those feelings came to the surface. Just like when we have been under stress for very long, the first days of vacation see us feeling more exhausted than ever because the tiredness is allowed to express itself...
It is all divine... Be gentle with self and allow!
In loving light,
Eva
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