Holds a lot of unknowns for me – what will Dr H say about the latest CT scans, what exactly are we looking at here, can I go ahead and schedule my PET scan in 5 – 6 weeks (I REALLY hope so), can I go see a dentist (I think one of my old cavity filling is coming out), and so many more questions.
As much as I am looking forward to tomorrow to talk with Dr H, I am NOT looking forward towards chemo. This break was so needed – Marci came to visit which was such a needed blessing – she knew I needed something and as soon as I said yes, she had her airplane ticket book – she is a true blessing in my life.
This break was needed for more reasons than just breaking from chemo – I needed my heart to get back into this fight. On days I feel like crap, my mind starts in with too many questions – how long can you really keep this up, how long can you feel like crap, how long can you let Eric do so much, what would happen if you didn’t go to chemo again? But with this break, my heart can fight back to those questions…and I know this is God talking to my heart.
I am still struggling with what to eat. Meat kind of grosses me out lately, but if I am not eating meat I eat carbs and well, carbs aren’t good for me because when I eat too many of them, my left foot swells up, aka inflamed which is not good. SO I really feel like I am in between a rock and a hard place with eating – some days I really wish I could just not eat.
My hair is starting to grow again too – weird to know that I am still on chemo on have this 5 o’clock shadow again – it is soft like baby hair too.
I will report back with news after tomorrow’s appt – please pray it is what I am hoping it is.