Pictures, trials, birthdays – oh my!

I have a feeling this is going to be all over the place – sorry in advance.
Pictures: My neighbor Holly, who is a photographer, took some pictures of me back in June (really, was it that long ago?) She printed all these on the link off for me and I am honestly still in awe of the sweet comments from her blog. I have never thought of myself as “stunning” as she likes to tell me people are posting on her blog, so it has taken me a while to post them here. It is one thing on her blog – I mean she did take the pictures but on my blog, I don’t know…it is always scary posting pictures of yourself…you know? Then she told me today that she entered a black and white contact here and it was picked from thousands of other pictures – which completely blows me away. Anyway, I must admit as one, who really doesn’t like to be the center of attention, it feels awesome for her to send me all the amazing comments from this picture too.

Trials: YIPPIE, I got word today that I was accepted for the parp trial!! This is great news. Eric has been asking my Dr about parps from the get go. He told me he really feels this is the right path for me. I will go with him on that thought being as he is the one out of us two who does the research! This does mean though, that I will be getting infusions on Fridays AND Mondays which is a huge pain in my a*s, but hey if it works, I will get infusions two days a week forever if I need to. I will be on a two week on/one week off schedule now. I am off this Friday and will start all the parp stuff next Friday.

Ian’s 4th birthday is tomorrow. A big shift has happened in me these last few months. Before all this cancer nonsense, I was dreading Ian growing up. I wanted him to stay my baby forever. Now I am so exacted about his birthday tomorrow and all others to come. I now just want to see him grow up – plan and simple. I also realize that life goes on – no matter how much we try to stop it or how much we wish things were different, life goes on…day by day. I have had a rough couple of months not feeling good, wondering if I was possibly driving myself crazy (that is still up for debate), feeling like I am continually going through the grieving cycle, but looking at him reminds me I am here today to be his mommy. So here is to my big boy’s 4th birthday and many, many more to come.