Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Acceptance…

We booked a trip to Michigan for my next off week. We had been holding off booking any trips until “this” was all over, but I think we are now accepting the fact that “this” might never really be over – that I could possibly be on some sort of chemo for a very long time and that is not an easy thing to accept by any means.

I am still trying to accept that Ian will one day have to learn to accept his mommy has cancer and our life will inevitably be much different than the lives of his friends.

I have accepted that wine is no longer in my bag of tricks and food is now for fuel and not for an emotional crutch.

I am still trying to accept that I might possibly be bald for the rest of my life.

I am learning to accept emotional support from others and not try to be so strong all the time. I have been doing better and if I feel like crying to whomever, I cry…I don’t try to hold it back. I even let Gina hug me while I was crying the other day at swim school – that is emotional progress for me!

I have accepted our family of three is just perfect.

Accepting that this life is now my life…our life - has not been easy – I had been in denial for many months – I admit it. I kept thinking that the 4 months of my first chemo was going to be it, I could wash my hands of this again and go on. I am truly now accepting that scenario, as awesome as it would have been, it not the case.

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