I realized something big last night – well a few things actually.
I realized my friends can put things into perspective that I can’t do for myself.
I realized I go down the slippery sloop of eating and drinking badly way too fast.
I realized Eric has the right to watch me like a hawk on my eating – I would be all over his a*s if the roles were reversed.
The story from these realizations:
We did an impromptu dinner last night at North to celebrate my awesome scans after our neighborhood rally for better pool hours – yes, I feel like such an activist….not really but I could see myself doing that!
Anyhow, after my splurge on 2 pieces of garlic bread, 2 pieces of extra thin pizza (yes, I threw extra thin in there for my benefit), and several glasses of wine (just going with several here because I am not sure the “real” number), I realized after we got home and my feet were super swollen – that this isn’t good for me…not at all, not once in a while, not anytime – this sh*t is bad for me. An odd little fact about me – when I eat badly, i.e. sugar and carbs - my feet swell. I think a lot of people’s do – I always check out other’s feet/ankles (yes I am VERY ODD) to see if they are swollen and I notice that overweight people’s feet especially are usually swollen. This is not good – it means the body is inflamed and is working too hard to get it back to where it should be….just a little tid bit for ya.
Before Eric met us at North, I was telling Gina & Sylvia that Eric is going to be up my a*s about my diet from now on. And Sylvia looked at me (and I knew something was coming!) and said, and why wouldn’t he - he has every right to be – you are his life, his world, his everything….he wants you here forever. And it hit me – hard, that she is SO right. He does have the right to give me that look if I am eating something bad, he does have the right to say sh*t to me about that second glass of wine – he has a huge right. And if the roles were reversed, I would be all over him all the time. We all have a right to expect our spouses to be the healthiest they can be for us, for our children, for our lives – we have that right to ask that of our spouses.
After talking with Eric when we got home (yes, I might have been a little tipsy!) I realized I need to just say good-bye. Good-bye to wine, good-bye to bread, good-bye to my “one offs” because those one offs can lead me down a slippery sloop of oh, just tonight, then a week later…oh, just tonight, then a few days later…oh, one more time, then before I know it boom – I am eating like cr*p all the time and drinking too much wine all the time.
So this is my good-bye to “that” stuff….with a big ole shoulder shrug. It has to be done….I see how my body reacts to it. Do I want to live life without wine, bread and sugar?? Well not really, but I know I want to live more than the moment of pleasure those bring. I mean, I guess crack brings a moment of pleasure but all in all, I am pretty sure it isn’t good for you.
I have to remember food is just food – it can’t take away my pain, it can’t make me happy, it can’t comfort me - it can’t do anything for me except fuel my body – and I want this body to be cancer free forever, so I need to do my part too.