Sunday, April 10, 2011

Hungry

Last night, at dinner with Eric, listening to live music, celebrating our 6th anniversary, we (or maybe I) launched into the conversation of 6 years ago – we had NO idea where our lives would be today, would Eric had still married me knowing I was riddled with cancer (yes, I can be a TAD dramatic) and of course he being the prince he is said 1st off, you are NOT riddled with cancer, 2nd off you couldn’t have stopped me from marring you – oh I do love him.
And as most dinners go with a glass of wine, the “why” of it all came up. I said, “I just wish I knew my reason for this – I know there is a reason but what is it?” Would I do something different if I knew my reason for this? Is my reason for this really for me? What if it is to affect someone else to cause them to do something great – who knows? I would love to know.

Eric had a great response though – you are never greater at what you are doing than while you are hungry for the outcome. Once you get to the outcome - your ultimate goal, you let your guard down, you stop trying as hard as you once were because you are there.

This all made me really think. What would I do now if I knew my ultimate reason? Would I try as hard as I am now to understand it – I don’t know…why would I if I already understood it?

So it brings me back to my question of, “what is my reason for this?” I really wish I knew but I am not sure I will ever know. I guess it goes back to everyone’s question – what is our purpose here on earth…I want to think it is to love each other unconditionally but I am sap.

But for now I will stay hungry for life, love, a cure, my purpose, joy, happiness, my family & friends and so much more.
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