Wednesday, April 20, 2011

But, seriously, what NOT to say to someone with cancer

This is a really great article and it is so true. It is a quick read – this post will make more sense if you read the article first!

A few others things “we” people with cancer do NOT want to hear from you are:

Oh, so and so was cured at MD Anderson (or some other “hot” place to go). You have NO idea what type of cancer that person had, you have no idea what type of cancer I have – NOT the same thing.

Oh, so and so went through chemo and it was a breeze or it was horrible. Again, not something anyone who is going to start chemo wants to hear. This is the person’s story who is going through it, not your place to jump in with a story of an, oh I know someone story.

When one door closes another door opens. Screw off if you have ever told anyone this. Again, “we” with the cancer know this and do not feel it your place to tell us. Your health closing the door on you is NOT the time to throw out this little ditty.

God never gives you more than you can handle. Again – screw off. “We” all know what we can and can’t handle, “we” know God in our own way and don’t need you telling us this.

In line with the article saying “your poor thing” don’t give a pity look or “OMG THAT IS HORRIBLE” look either because I guarantee the person telling you this news KNOWS this is horrible and doesn’t need to read it on your face.

Wow, I guess I was a little angrier than I thought. I didn’t know I wanted to tell so many people to screw off after me having to tell them I had cancer again and biting my tongue to their responses.

While I am at it, I will go ahead and tell you what not to ask a person going through chemo:

Why are you so tired? Seriously, I have had that asked to me – well, because my body is being bombarded by chemo, which yes is to save my life, but also takes a slight toll on me physically.

Are you going to get a wig? NO – losing my hair is the least of my worries and if you need me to have a wig to make you feel better about the situation, well I am sorry and don’t really care.

Question: How do you feel on this chemo? Me: I actually feel good. This one is easier than the first time around. A little bone pain and tired, but nothing I can’t handle. Person asking the question: Oh let’s hope it stays that way. Seriously, do NOT say this. Don’t you think the person going through chemo hopes this more than anything and does NOT need you raining on them feeling good.

I am sure there are more and will let you know as I think of them.

It is hard to be my own cheerleader and also a cheerleader for other people to make them “ok” with what I am going through, so please don’t need me to make you feel okay with my situation. But do believe me if I say I feel great that in fact I do feel great or if I say I feel like crap that in fact I do feel like crap.

So please think before you speak and ask yourself, “if it were me in that situation, would I want to hear that” and I am guessing if you stop to think about it, you will be surprised at how much stupid stuff comes out of your mouth.
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