Friday, April 22, 2011

Chemo Chronicle 2.3

I wish I could say 3rd time was a charm – hardly. More like 3 strikes and you are OUT!

My appointment was at 9:00 this morning, so we dropped Ian off at 8:20 at Zach’s house who by the way was still asleep and Teri took Ian in with loving arms – well maybe it was me bringing her coffee that she took in with loving arms?!?! Regardless, Ian was good to go and Eric and I were off.

Went back – lost another 2 pounds down due to no sugar diet – telling you people sugar is bad stuff – oh, back to the subject at hand – sat in room waiting for RN to come stick port – this is where the trouble started. Hind sight I shouldn’t have told her about my nightmare stick on Tuesday and showed her the horrible bruise – I probably then jinxed the whole day. Now to her credit, I am still super swollen from the port surgery on Tuesday, but it all still SUCKED big time. She poked me once – hit the side of the port. She poked me twice – hit the side again. This lead into my first breakdown of the day – I couldn’t help it, the tears came out of nowhere and wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t even look at her when she left the room – I felt like a baby, I felt bad for making her feel bad and at this point I was already done with the day and ready to go home. She knew I was done and said she would get someone else. The next RN came in, talked to me, had me lay down and got it – thank goodness. It wasn’t like the poke hurt - it was the pressure they had to apply to the actual port that hurt like hell.

Dr. H came in, looked at this lovely rash I have on my chest and a little around my mouth, gave me some steroid cream, told me it wouldn’t grown hair on my chest (THANKS!), looked over the supplements Dr. Love prescribed, and looked ahead at the next mouth. I have my CT scan on May 25th. I will be VERY anxious to hear results of that test!

Sat in waiting area for at least an hour before they told me my blood counts were low and were waiting to hear from Dr. H. I was so frustrated and if it wasn’t for Erica, I might have screamed. She is so great at what she does and finally got them to tell me what in the hell was the hold up. All I needed to know was Dr. H was in one room for this whole time – I get it, I want an hour with her if I need an hour and I love that she spends the time needed with each patient – I just needed to be told this today. Instead I sat out there thinking my name got lost in the shuffle and just kept getting passed up.

Finally get called to go back to the chemo room, get a chair but still wasn’t told about Dr. H being with the same patient nor what was actually up with my blood. There are several factors that could have been off with my blood. Then sitting there, I had another breakdown or two or three – I lost count! I felt lost in the sea of other patients, I felt powerless and out of control. I was SO SO SO thankful to have Eric there with me. He went to ask what was up – that is when we were finally told she had been in one room the whole time. They also told him it was my white blood count that was at 1.2 and anything below 1.5 is iffy. Got word for Dr. H, go ahead with chemo and then I will get a neulasta shot on Monday. SH*T, I don’t want this shot. It makes my bones hurt so flippin’ bad, or at least it did last time. Anyway, once I was hooked up chemo was a breeze; I worked on necklaces and watched TV.

I tried so hard to be centered, to get back to level ground while I was breaking down but I couldn’t. I couldn’t get the negative out and the peace back in – goes to show me I have A LOT of work to do with being at peace with this, with everything. So all in all today sucked but picking up Ian was like a breath of fresh air. And I am SO glad next week is an off week….I need a week off from this bullsh*t.
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