I have always prided myself on my ability on making quick & précis decisions. I am (maybe was) the type that once my mind was made up, that was that – it was what it was and I was done with it. From simple things like shopping (unlike my sister who can hem and ha over what color $12 plastic watch to buy for 30 minutes and in the mean time I have shopped, paid and then sucked into her decision making…love you chele) to big things like buying a house (found the house I loved and that was that).
I am losing my ability to make decisions though – any decision. I have been looking at Eric to help me with decisions because in my mind he is Mr. Science Guy. He has researched this “thing” (yes, I think I will refer to it as a “thing” for now) from every angle possible, he has researched my diet and so much more.
I now find myself asking Eric, can I eat that, should I do this, how are we going to decide what to do with my treatment? I even called from the airport after dropping Marci off in tears because I couldn’t decide if I should take the unknown toll-way home.
I feel two things with this loss of decision making and leaning on Eric more – I feel like a part of me is gone because I have never been so needy but on the other hand I feel stronger for recognizing that I need help and asking for it and finally, accepting it!