“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and over you” Psalm 32:8
Houston bound started a bright and early 5:50 a.m. this morning. Shower, dressed, packed an “in case” overnight bag, stir fry quinoa for breakfast (yes I am odd and eat non-breakfast foods for breakfast), loved on Ian, was assured by Be Be multiple times they would be fine, just go already and we were out the door. The ride there I had too much nervous energy and chomped gum until my jaw was sore.
After nasty Houston traffic, we found MD Anderson, parked in the MASSIVE parking garage, got out the instructions on where to actually go, found our way around the maze and there we were. I didn’t like it from the get go – the garage, the building, and the masses of people – everything was SO big and so impersonal. Once we got checked I was giving my patient number – which I would now be referred to as…not like it at all.
Once back to meet the nurse, the PA and the Dr I was starting to like the place a little more….a little. The Dr stayed in there for 50 minutes talking to us about the options, the facts, the chances, the everything. I really enjoyed his spin on cancer.
I know in my heart we were guided to him for this, I know in my heart all the prayers I have been praying for about needing a black and white choice were answered today.
Here is the short version of what he told us: if you know something already works on you, why would you give that up to see if something possibly, maybe, might work? I responded excellent to a group of drugs called taxaims last time – that is what Dr H wanted to put me on this time. I am not sure what Eric and I were holding out for, but we needed to hear it in these words “USE WHAT WORKS.” IF we have to deal with something again, we will see what is in the box of tricks but for now, the best in the box of tricks in this.
He also said we can only deal with the right now and right now, this is what is.
I 100% believe that. I have believed that forever – right now is the only thing we can control. We can’t second guess ourselves, we have to hold tight to our beliefs, our guidance, our choices, ourselves.
A few people were disappointed for me with this news, but don’t be. In my heart, I felt this was right all along, I felt I belonged in Austin for treatment, I just felt this was my path.
“in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:6
I asked for guidance, I received it, now I will follow it with a pure loving heart – one which is ready to get on with this sh*t and call it good!!
What’s next? I called Dr H to tell her I am ready to schedule a port and chemo. More than likely I will do day surgery and a port will go in next week and chemo will start next week or the week after. And with that for all who were wondering about the care calendar, Gina will send something out once I get my first chemo day scheduled.
In my mind, the sooner we get this started, the sooner it will end!
Love to all...now lets get this train a rollin'