Monday, March 28, 2011

The Talk

We all know as parents and children having talks with our parents and/or children that we do NOT want to have are inevitable…and horrible

The “sex” talk.

The “you aren’t doing so well in school” talk.

The “I am pretty sure who you are dating is a loser” talk.

Everyone is uncomfortable, no one wants to talk about it, but at some point the parent has to suck it up and do it.

I would rather have 100 sex talks than the talk we need to have with Ian. Hell, I would rather have the sex talk with my grandparents than our talk that is looming over our heads and in our hearts. We are trying to figure out the right timing. Timing with a 3 yr old is everything. When Eric gets home, Ian is not in listen mode. I can’t have the talk by myself because even when I have the talk in my head, I break down. WHEN are we going to do this?

We went to this place today called Wonders & Worries. They are an awesome group who will have play therapy sessions with Ian for at least 6 weeks to make sure he is processing this and is able to express his feelings.

But in the meantime, it is up to us…to tell him, “mommy has cancer.”

How do we explain to him what cancer is when I still can’t wrap my head around it?

How do we tell him what I am going to be like during chemo? Tired and blah but still his mommy who loves him more than anything and wants so bad to be the one who is able to take care of him?

How do we tell him we aren’t sure how long this is going to last?

How do we tell him any of this sh*t? Any of this that no child should ever hear, more so a 3 year old?

Today was a really hard day for both me and Eric. Visiting that place and then getting my scheduled appt at MD Anderson on Friday totally silicified this…it is happening, it is real, it is about to begin, life as we know might never return, and my heart hurts.
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