We all know as parents and children having talks with our parents and/or children that we do NOT want to have are inevitable…and horrible
The “sex” talk.
The “you aren’t doing so well in school” talk.
The “I am pretty sure who you are dating is a loser” talk.
Everyone is uncomfortable, no one wants to talk about it, but at some point the parent has to suck it up and do it.
I would rather have 100 sex talks than the talk we need to have with Ian. Hell, I would rather have the sex talk with my grandparents than our talk that is looming over our heads and in our hearts. We are trying to figure out the right timing. Timing with a 3 yr old is everything. When Eric gets home, Ian is not in listen mode. I can’t have the talk by myself because even when I have the talk in my head, I break down. WHEN are we going to do this?
We went to this place today called Wonders & Worries. They are an awesome group who will have play therapy sessions with Ian for at least 6 weeks to make sure he is processing this and is able to express his feelings.
But in the meantime, it is up to us…to tell him, “mommy has cancer.”
How do we explain to him what cancer is when I still can’t wrap my head around it?
How do we tell him what I am going to be like during chemo? Tired and blah but still his mommy who loves him more than anything and wants so bad to be the one who is able to take care of him?
How do we tell him we aren’t sure how long this is going to last?
How do we tell him any of this sh*t? Any of this that no child should ever hear, more so a 3 year old?
Today was a really hard day for both me and Eric. Visiting that place and then getting my scheduled appt at MD Anderson on Friday totally silicified this…it is happening, it is real, it is about to begin, life as we know might never return, and my heart hurts.
I live with stage IV metastatic breast cancer that has caused 3 brain surgeries and leukemia that required a bone marrow transplant. . I like to write about life - and I don't hold back! My mission is to always remind myself and others anything is possible,
10 comments:
My heart hurts too. I am so so so sorry you have to go through any of this.. I am proud to be your friend, I have never known anyone as strong as you.
Renee I am praying for you and your family! Stay strong girl you can fight this and win.
I am so, so sorry. Words can't explain how much I am feeling for you right now. All I can say is try to take one day at a time, one moment at a time to stay strong through this. And when you need to, lean on your friends and family for that strength - we are all here just for that purpose :).
Oh Renee, my heart hurts with you. Know that Brad and I are praying praying praying for you. I will specifically pray for the talk you have to have with your sweet little Ian. I can't imagine.
Love and prayers!
Steph
I'm thinking of your trio today and every day. My heart broke for you reading this. I can only imagine how difficult having that discussion is going to be. You will make it through. Love to you three.
Love, Love, Love your way! I am praying for you and your sweet family! May God give the perfect words and timing. We love you Renee!!
I just want to remind you of how resilient kids are, Renee. Paul has been through so much in his short little life, and has handled it way better than any adult could. Ian will do the same. He is made of the same tough stuff his momma and daddy are, and he has you both there to walk him through it all. He will be okay. Nothing is good or easy about any of this, but you are doing the best you can, and it's enough. In the midst of all the stress and worry, let your heart rest knowing that your son will be okay.
Sending love and hugs to you each day.
Renee
I am keeping you all in my prayers. Maybe you want to wait for a weekend for the talk and do it one morning while you three are lounging in bed together. And wile you might tell him the big picture, "Mommy has Cancer and will be going to the doctor alot and not feeling well", share the details on a "Need to know basis." If you tell him all the details he might be really overwhelmed.
When the kids were little, they got upset when my sister came to visit with a wrist brace on. So when we went to visit grandma after her shoulder surgery, I made them some slings from bandanas earlier that week and we walked around with slings on so they would be comfortable. If you end up having to wear a mask after chemo for immunity reasons, maybe you have a mask making party and the three of you each make a mask and be super heros or something.
You are one tough chick and I believe in you and your ability to handle everything!
Knowing your strength for words, I know that when the time is right for you to tell Ian, you will automatically know the right words to say. He is your son, and you know him better than anyone. He will feel your love as you tell him. That feeling is more important than the words.
We are holding you and your family in our prayers.
Renee,
I'm sorry you have to go through this but I'm glad you contacted WW. I've seen you with Ian and know what an amazing mom you are to him. You will continue to be a wonderful mom and please know that me, the PRC and the BCRC are here for you.
Sending you much love,
Runi
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