Another blog

I was asking a while ago to help Team Survivor with their blog.  Sarah and myself said we would be the ones to get the content together and posted.  It has harder than I thought it would be to get out there until this week - until I finally decided to be completely honest with the readers with hopes they will in turn be honest with us and their stories - here's hoping!

http://ctteamsurvivor.blogspot.com/

Bubby Fairy

Well, she came, took all the bubbies, left an awesome present for Ian and left us with a little boy who is on his way to growing up, and a mommy who is sad.

Ian finally decided he was ready for the bubby fairy to come, so Eric and I jumped on the opportunity. We were at Target and he found this matchbox robot thing called “stinky” and said he was ready for the bubby fairy to come and bring him “stinky.” Now don’t get me wrong, this robot is annoying but I guess we had to take one for the team to get him off the bubby.

My baby is growing up…now if I can get him to poop on the d*mn again I will be happy about the growing up!

Race for the Cure

I always have such mixed emotions on "race day." On one hand, I want the whole breast cancer shit to be behind me forever and me not be a part of it anymore. I try to do this often but then it catches up with me - like it did today - it always does on race day.

But I still don't think of myself as a "survivor" - with that I think we are all survivors of life, of our daily issues and hard ships. I don't think my survivorship means anymore to me than yours should mean to you but I have this whole big race around mine and celebration towards it which gives me mixed emotions. I don't want breast cancer to define me, I want to be more than "I had breast cancer at 30, my son was 13 months, and we aren't sure if another child is in our future - oh, and I still can't lose the weight I gained" I don't want that to be in my introduction, I really don't think I want strangers to know that about me because I don't want pitty from them, I want truth and life.

But on the other hand, my heart was filled with love today out there with my team. You always know the love of your friends when they get up at the crack of dawn, fight traffic and see you with smiles on their faces all to be a part of this.

We walked this year and really took it all in and loved every minute it.

I guess where I am going with this is, I am proud to be a survivor but we are all survivors and should celebrate that every day.

Thank you all who were out there with me, in my heart and who supported the cause. It really does mean the world to me and I love you all.

Good-bye...with love

Dear Grandma and Grandpa-

I miss you so much and I will never forget the love you showered us with. I am happy yall are together again and can be healthy and whole in Heaven while watching over us once again.

You made such a huge impact in my life and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all yall did for us grandchildren, mom, Tammy and Van.

When I didn't know where to turn, I turned to you.

When I didn't know what to ask, I asked you.

When I didn't know where to go, I went to you.

You were full of love and generosity I couldn't help but learn from you.

I laugh out loud thinking of some of the things you both did - grandma, when you made mom and grandpa split the cost of my car wreck 4 ways so we each paid a 1/4 - no one ever thought of telling you no even though it was my fault and I should pay for it myself.

Grandpa, when you would make us drive the white bomb just to embarrass us or your corny jokes that no matter how many times you told them to us, we would laugh at them.

I still say some of them myself!

I love you both so much and I have a void in my heart with yall gone but I am happy that you are no longer here in pain and without one and other.

Oh, I love you and I miss you.

Until we meet again.