Monday, January 26, 2009

Speechless

I can’t even express my excitement – the results from my pem scan are in and drum roll…in both the breasts, there are no notable areas of concern! That means, if it would have looked like this in the beginning, they wouldn’t have recognized it as cancer. Oh happy days!! The chemo sucked but it worked, IT WORKED!! I asked if I still had to have surgery and yes I do but I don’t even care about that! All I care about is that Bill, in my mind, is dead.

Perfect ending…

To a perfect weekend. Well, if I didn’t have allergies it might be more perfect but I really don’t care – I don’t have chemo this morning!!!! It really feels real now – me not having to pack my bag every other Monday to go get chemo and come home to wait for it all to set in.
So to celebrate the end of all this mess, our neighbor, Erin offered to watch Ian for us on Friday night so we could go out on a date. I, okay we, were both a little nervous about how it would go having someone else put him down to sleep. But she said it was flawless. YEAH, this was great for us to hear this. We went to North in the Domain for dinner – it was yummy. And I had a martini – I haven’t had a martini in I don’t know how long. Now, don’t get me wrong, I had A martini, not the nights out like I used to have with Laurie or at poker nights – oh, just thinking about those nights make me smile and laugh! Those will be stories for another time.
We stayed at dinner for 2 ½ hours. 2 ½ hours…that is unheard of. It was so relaxing and enjoyable for Eric and I to sit, have an adult beverage and TALK!
Saturday was just as great. We went to My Gym with Ian where he ran around like a made man and loved to ball pit – I will post pictures. Phil and Jill came over Saturday night and I made eggplant lovers out of everyone – well, not the little ones. They had no interest in the eggplant I cooked. And again, I drank – 3 glasses of wine. I think I am making up for not feeling good for so long that I just drink! Anyway, we had a great time and decided that next time Eric and Phil drink together, they need to wrestle.
Sunday was church and the park and/or outside for 2 ½ hours. Both Ian and I were exhausted last night – he wanted to take a bath at 6:30 and I feel asleep at 7:30.
Now it is on to a new week – I have to get a chest x-ray and ekg on Wednesday before surgery. I am not really sure why I need these but whatever…I will go get them. I will have Eric either post something on Friday or email everyone with a post surgery update. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers on Friday – I will be one step closer to having this taken care of.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Here we go again…

With all the freaking tests but I guess I need to get used to them. From the sounds of what Dr. H told me on Monday, I will be getting these types of tests every 3 – 6 months for quiet some time.
The surgeon visit was kind of pointless yesterday – except for the fact that when she felt Bill, she said she couldn’t even find him!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good news there. Other than that, she told me about the tests I will need before we do surgery. The lump node removal still seems to be the most difficult part of the surgery – I guess I will see.
I am scheduled for a lumpectomy and lump node removal January 30th at 5:30 in the morning. Mom is going to come to take me to the hospital and then Eric will be home for Ian’s normal routine and then he will come to the hospital also. Surgery should last 2 ½ - 3 hours and I will be under general with a tube in my throat – ugh.
In the meantime, I have to get another mammogram, ultrasound and PIM scan (the one where they inject radioactive die in me and I can’t be around Ian for 12 hours) all before the 30th.
But than that, I am doing well enough. I feel better today – yesterday I felt like sh*t but I kept telling myself, this is the last like sh*t day I will have from chemo! Man alive, am I glad chemo is over!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Chemo Chronicle #8

And with that, I am happily say, I AM DONE WITH CHEMO!!!! I am DONE, DONE, DONE with chemo. This is one of the BEST feelings ever to be able to say this – I AM DONE!!

And for those wondering, I rang the sh*t out of that bell!

Today was a good day. We got there at 9:30, which was later than the normal. So, I was all packed up and ready to go around 8:15 and then just pretty much paced the whole time just waiting until 9 so we can go. We got there, and actually had to wait which I have never really had to wait before. Anyway, after seeing the Dr., getting my port drawn, I was off to the chemo room where I was greeted with a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Marci and family.

Chemo was chemo – nothing exciting. Had to ice bath the ole hands and feet, Eric left for lunch around 11:00 and then we hung out. I visited with a few other patients around me and then we gave the nurses the cookie cake we brought. They didn’t really seem hip on the idea of sharing with everyone as they snatched it up and took it to the back – oh well, I am glad they enjoyed it.

The time actually went by pretty quick today – I don’t know if it was because I was so excited or if it was because Eric and I worked on a few things together. Whatever, it was quick and now I am DONE!!!!

My nurse came over and uncooked my port and then all the nurses came over and threw confetti at me and then I walked over and rand the sh*t out of that bell – oh my goodness, it felt so good to ring that bell and know this chapter in my life is over.

I still had a lot of confetti on me when I got home and shook it off in the kitchen and it reminded me of the confetti filled house I left Eric after my bachorelette party and I had to go to Dallas to see my dad– he told me he didn’t mind cleaning up this confetti mess!

It is kind of strange thinking – what next? I know what next, surgery and radiation but no more chemo. No more living my life two weeks at a time - no more thinking, okay, I will feel bad on these day and hopefully feel good on such and such day. I am just be me again.

My Dr. reminded me once again this morning that just because I am done with chemo for me not to expect to feel normal in two or three weeks – boo to that. She said a lot of people wake up about a year later and say, I am normal.

I am guessing it is kind of like a break up when in the beginning you think you can’t make it at all and day by day you start to miss that person less and less and then one day you wake up and you are over it – you don’t think about that person, you aren’t sad, you aren’t anything but yourself again and you don’t notice it in the beginning because you aren’t thinking about it but then you notice you haven’t thought about it and you know, your life had changed for the better and you will be okay. I am so looking forward to that day…where I don’t have a body scan scheduled, I don’t have to go to dr. for blood work, where I wake up rested and not fatigued, when I do I can go run – hell, I will even take a mile right now, when I wake up and know I am back to myself – now be it, myself is a new person. I have really grown through this and can’t wait to continue on my personal growth and spiritual journeys I started with this. One other thing I have found out about myself – is that I can do anything and I will do anything/everything I put my mind and soul into.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Anticipation

I really can’t believe my last treatment is just 4 days away. I am so excited I can’t see straight. I am really over this whole cancer bit and it running my life. I now have to get through my mind that just because I had my last treatment, I am not going to miraculously feel better the following week and be back to normal. My oncologist told me that it usually takes up to a year to feel “normal” again, but in my mind, I am not sure what normal is so it might only take me 6 months. J

I have an appointment with the surgeon on January 15th. I am not sure if I will schedule my surgery or just talk about it, but I will keep everyone posted on that. I am 99% sure I am going to get a lumpectomy due to the fact the tumor has responded so well to chemo. I will also have to get some lumpnodes removed and from what I have read, this might be the most difficult part because I won’t be able to raise my arm above shoulder height. Now for how long this will last, I am not sure.

So that is my next step. I will finish this step and then start thinking about radiation – they say this is so much easy than chemo, so yeah!

This last week has been okay. I have had an odd issue – itchy hands. This is the 3rd time this has happened so I know it is to due to taxol. Of course, when I am in the midst of the itch, I think it is the worst side-effect possible, but I think that when I am in the midst of any side effect. Here is how the itch breaks down – it slowly starts Thursday or Friday after chemo – just a little itch here and there on my hands, fingers and wrists, Saturday it starts to get worse and I have to itch my hands on my jeans, Sunday, I feel like I am itching my hands all day on anything I can get my hands on and by Monday, I pretty much want to cut my hands off because the itch really starts to make me a little CrAzY. And of course there is a medicine for this itch – as there is a medicine for everything, but this said medicine makes me drunk – literally, I am drunk about 30 minutes after I take this stuff. So, I try not to take it expect at night, where I proceed to lay on the couch with Eric and he laughs at me because I guess I say some pretty funny stuff?
And when the itch is in full force, getting my hands wet or putting lotion on them makes it so much worse – odd.
Back to me and the medicine. As most of you know, I have had to take ambein to sleep at night. Well, some nights I just go to sleep peacefully and no one would know I had taken them but some nights, I talk complete non-sense to Eric and then in the morning I only vaguely remember the conversation or even going to sleep. This morning I asked him if I was talking about chi lattes from Starbuck’s last night and yeap, right before I feel asleep, that is what I was talking about.
All in all, I am doing really well. The thought of the cruise in February is really keeping me going. I simply can’t wait to get away from this stuff for a week, and then I will come back and be ready to throw the final punch and KO Bill.