Monday, September 14, 2009

One year later

Since I heard the words that would ultimately change my life forever – “I am sorry, but it is cancer.” I have been trying to wrap my mind around what I needed/wanted to write for this “anniversary” for about a week now. It has been one year and 3 days since I heard those words and I never imagined I would be where I am at today a year ago when my world started spinning out of control. I have reread all my old posts about the tests, the waiting, the scared nights of not sleeping, the fog that seemed to surround me, as the tears came flowing back so easily, I realized something, I was scared to death and am trying not to let that fear come into my day-to-day life here and now.

I know we have all received an email, or 100 about “if we would have know then what we know now” and I now believe those have some validity. I have thought about it a lot and have thought about what I have learned from cancer and am very thankful for learning these lessons when I was 30 verses 90 – I now have 60 years to live with what I learned.

1. Trust in yourself: I think I knew the second I felt that lump it was cancer and thankfully I listened to my instinct that told me to go to the dr – no matter what the outcome was going to be.
2. Money cannot and will not buy happiness. I had wanted to quit my job from the second Ian was born but I had it my head that we needed my salary to help make us happy; however, I don’t think we have ever been this happy and we are now on a budget.
3. Go easy on yourself - I expect way too much from myself and am my hardest critic. I learning to say no when I don’t have time or I just don’t want to and learning to tell myself, it is okay if I am running 12 minute miles when my friend can run 8 minute miles – at least I am running.
4. Lean on God – He really does great things when you ask.
5. Use it – if you have something special waiting for a special occasion, use it when you feel the urge to. We had some bottles of wine Eric was holding on to and asked him why – today is just as special day as whatever day we are waiting for. Seriously, we never know what is going to happen and nothing is written in stone, so treat each day as special as it actually is.
6. Ask for forgiveness with all your heart to those you have wronged.
7. You are strong…we all are. I would have never imagined myself to be as strong as I needed to be to get trough what I got through and now I see myself in a whole new light.
8. Life is special and the memories we make with each other are priceless – we can never forget we are who we are because of what we have been through.
9. Say thank you with a smile on your face – it makes you and the person you are thanking feel great inside.

With all the memories of the past year, both good and bad, I can look at the person I am today and know to my core, it did all happen, it was all real and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

SMILE – I want to thank each and every one of you for the parts you have played in my life up to this point and the parts you are going to play in my very long future! It was always great to be able to say, “yes, I have a huge support system” when someone asked me if I had anyone to help me out. – SMILE WITH A HUG
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