Friday, May 14, 2021

43!



43 


I used to think 43 was so old, but I now understand that age is truly just a number...and numbers don’t define me!


Every birthday I like to reflect on the past year and my 42nd year was one like no other.


Because of Covid, I had way more alone time than ever before and because of that, I had no where to run to when I started getting uncomfortable with the hard questions I was asking myself... what is truly important to me, what kind of person do I want to be, what attributes draws me to and/or pushes me away from others, what gives me energy, what brings on anxiety and so much more.


In my 42nd year I learned/discovered that:


  • I can now fully accept none of the health issues were my fault...yes, I have held on to the thought that I did something either in this life or another to “deserve” cancer.


  • I can now befriend my “shadow” side. (Shadow side is all the parts of self that you aren’t proud of.) I have learned that shining a little light on the dark places is a lot less scary than sitting in the dark making up stories about what could be out there.


  • I want to live a consciousness life...meaning I don’t want to live on autopilot and simply go through the motions of it all nor do I want to be so busy that I don’t have alone time to recharge. During quarantine I have slowed down and am able to focus on one thing at a time and be present with whatever it is that is happening...even if whatever is happening sucks. I have learned from therapy that I have a tendency to “check out” when my nervous system is in overdrive, and I don’t want that anymore.


  • Things/stuff/food is not going to make me feel better...those things are a great temporary bandaid to cover the hurt/disappointment/sadness/depression/anxiety/whatever but nothing is going to make me honestly happy except myself/my thoughts.


  • When I mess up/hurt someone’s feelings, I have learned to make it a point to acknowledge my part and apologize for it as soon as I realize that I messed up. 


  • Depression and/or anxiety needs to be talked about more. 


  • I am working on changing my thoughts around everything I have walked through with my health. Instead of trying to act like it was no big deal, I am learning how to embrace it and be proud of myself for always continuing on because it was a big deal!


So...here I am now...43 years old and I feel like I am just starting life! I feel like this past year has really solidified my thoughts and desires on life..Grace, Grit & Gratitude will get me to where I see my future self flourishing and I can’t wait to see what is next in life!





5 comments:

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