Monday, August 12, 2019

The fall

The Fall

About 10 weeks ago, I fell.


I was at the Domain taking something back, and I didn’t have my walking stick with me because I was feeling great, confident - ready to take on the world.

I had to step up a curb to get to where I was going. I stepped up with my left foot & brought my right foot up and didn’t clear the curb.

Down I went.

My right knee hit the ground first, then my right hand which jacked up my shoulder.

I quickly got myself up, went to do the errand I was there for then went to my car and cried. 

I was crying for may reasons. One... because it flipping hurt, but more so I was crying because I was shaken up...bad.

Not being steady on my feet is still something I really struggle with...even before the fall.

Because of this, I still physically struggle on a daily basis. 

Stairs - I can sidestep up stairs leading with my left foot but it takes a BIG mental and physical toll on me. 

Uneven ground - I can’t walk on uneven ground without help...either my walking stick or a hand to hold.

Driving - I drive with 2 feet. I can’t get my right foot from the gas to break quickly. 

Bending over - just something about the thought of me toppling over gives my anxiety. I can semi squat, but I don’t feel comfortable bending over.

I didn’t realize how much the fear from the fall was still effecting me until a few weeks ago when I was at therapy. 

When I told her that I had fallen, I burst into tears.

It just reiterates the facts of my current life...facts I sometimes try to forget...but they are the facts.

And I don’t want to sound unappreciative of the HUGE facts...I am still alive & doing great. But I am also not going to lie and say I don’t miss the physical things I used to be able to do. 

I was starting to feel a little more steady, but I still pretty apprehensive. 

And after meeting with my new brain oncologist last week, she suggested I go back to PT to regain confidence. So, next week I will be starting PT again. Which I am honestly looking forward to.

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