Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Tomorrow marks 9.5 weeks

9.5 weeks since I left home to come to Dallas for my Bone Marrow Transplant.

9.5 weeks since I have been in my own house.

9.5 weeks since I have seen cuddled Lucy.

9.5 weeks since I have slept in my own bed.

9.5 weeks since I have hung out with my friends.

9.5 weeks since I have hugged them.

9.5 weeks for depression to start sinking in. The depression hasn’t been here this whole time, but this week it is really starting hitting me hard. I do look down the path I have gone thus far and think this has to almost be over, but then I have thought that SO many time before. And so many times before I have been wrong.

Then I have to remind myself.

This is not my all the time life…yes it is my life for now but not forever. God please, don’t let it be forever.

I am still exhausted…more than exhausted. I wake up in the morning, can barely choke down breakfast because my mouth is so dry and everything tastes like cardboard. I gag a lot…luckily it stops at gaging.  I seem to have a dull headache all day every day.

I thought I would have all this free time to paint and create every day. I guess I forgot I need to have energy plus desire to actually do these things.

I got a bone morrow biopsy today to see if there are any happening. Please pray there is nothing abnormal happening.

I know no blasts is 1 step closed to going home.  All I want at this point is to go home

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