I don't even know what I am feeling at this moment...sadness for Eric and Ian, scared for me and just an overwhelming heartache of the looming goodbye I am about to have to say to them.
I had been able to put all these feelings in a jar on a shelf for another day. I guess that day is today. I have to open the jar.
It is time to deal with the fact I have a secondary cancer which happens to be a blood cancer and I am getting a bone marrow transplant to cure it.
I keep telling myself 3 months is nothing compared to all the other crap I have gone through. But then my monkey mind likes to chrip in with "yeah but, you have been at home to recover." I try to tell it to stuff it, but right now I can barely find the courage to continue putting one foot in front of the other much less tell my monkey mind to shut the hell up.
I have had many calls and texts wishing me good luck. Most end in tears, sprinkled in with some laughter.
So, here goes nothing!
I am going to do a video update daily because I WELL INTEND this to be my last round in the cancer ring! I will post a direct link to YouTube when I am at an actual computer.
In the meantime, please pray/send great energy to handle all this SHIT with Grace and Love.