Saturday, January 16, 2016

Heavy eyes and a happy heart

My eyes are heavy from the tears they have poured today.

My body hurts from all the emotions that have flooded it the past few days.
My Spirit keeps lifting me up when I get a little too low any given day.

To sum it up, today was a beautiful experience of suck. 

The church was packed with Love...Holley's family and friends were there in force. Before I even walked into the sanctuary, I was invited into the private room where I heard a few people whom I never met told me how Holley talked about me and my sense of humor and that is what connected us...this is SO true. I must say I am honored because I always talk about her sense of humor.

When I walked into the sanctuary, I was immediately at peace because I laid eyes on those I knew and I knew loved Holley.

A hug here and there, I was a bawling mess. I had to hold tight to Eric to lead me through the crowd because with my numb foot, I don't navigate crows well.

Then I saw Dr. H out of the side of my eye heading towards me and I knew I was going to lose all composure. I did. She held me tight and let me weep onto her shoulder for an unknown amount of time.

I knew after that, I needed to set down soon as I was feeling sick to my stomach. As I sat these in disbelief, people kept coming up to hug me and give condolences. I didn't know what to say and still don't.  

It is all a fog.

The service was beautiful and filled with emotion. The eulogy was read by Terri Garcia and was more then perfect and the best eulogy I have ever heard.

The burial was beautiful as well.

I must share a story we (a group of us Lifers were texting about before the service). What if we were asked to be the pallbearers (our group)... I would be cussing about not being able to feel my leg, Kristie and Courtney would be sinking into the ground because of their heals, Kelli would be pulling up the rear in her wheelchair and our husbands would not know what to do with us. And most importantly, Christina would not know what do do with us, and Holley Kitchen would be up in Heaven laughing so hard at us and the clust f&ck we were making! 

To say the least, none of that happened and it all went just as planned.

After the graveside burial, many of us Pink Ribbon Cowgirls went to lunch to lean on each other for support. We told stories about Holley and each other and we laughed.

It was a hard hard day, but in the same breath it was a great day filled with love.

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