Explosions

These last two weeks have been glorious. I have been so full of energy and have had no pain that I quickly slipped into remembering what "normal" life was like before I had constant headaches.

I had a headache start yesterday and I've been on my headache medicine this whole time and I thought to myself no this can't be ...I'm doing everything everybody tells me to do 

maybe I just worked out too hard? maybe I did a little too much painting?

Maybe, maybe, maybe a lot of things??

All I know is it isn't a maybe how f-cking sad I am today to still be in pain.

Yes I am writing this while talking into my phone crying because I get so tired of the ups and downs that seems to be life with chronic pain or what ever anybody wants to call this stage four cancer bullshit.

People tell us stage 4 girls how strong and how brave we are all the time and we are for the most part but I want others to see the breakdown side of this too...just what I am showing you right now.

I have already had to call a friend to pick up Ian from school because I know I can't drive when I'm like this because light hurts my eyes. I've already had to call my brain oncologist just to ask for stronger meds because what I was on that was keeping the pressure balanced and my migraines away obviously is not working anymore…only 2 1/2 weeks and it makes me a sad nervous wreck.