I used to be embarrassed that I needed therapy of any kind. I used to think I should be able to handle all this on my.
I used to think a lot things that I look back on and think, wow. That is it stupid.
Honestly, I never knew one person could see so many different therapists at the same time. When people ask me what I do all day, I am so temped to say, “therapy. That is the long and short of it”
Seriously though here is a list of what I do:
Chemo therapy well.
You know, for that cancer bit and stuff.
I go for infusion once every 3rd week, and I take 6 chemo pills at home for 2 weeks on and one week off. So really I am on chemo about 70% of the time.
Dr. H told me a few weeks ago that it was that time once again. To pick up my pieces and start moving forward.
I feel like a pack mule hauling all of my issues around.
She asked me if I ever went back to the therapist who she told me to go. I told her I went 4 times and she looked at me with that mom look of really?!
She said that isn’t good enough. I need to KEEP going.
She likes to remind me I have been dealing with cancer in some form for the past 6 years and 4 times at therapy isn’t going to work it all out.
I was prone to depression before all the started 6 years ago.
I guess chemo didn’t take that away for me.
So now I do talk therapy once a week.
Again, Dr. H was all up in my business about this too and told me it was time to go back.
I fought her on that for a long time too.
I didn’t want to go back.
It is hard.
It makes me tired.
It makes me sad.
Sad to see what I am not able to do anymore.
It pisses me off.
Going there and having to learn how to walk again for the 3rd time now. It isn’t something that I want to admit I need help with.
Relearning how to walk, balance, gain strength back, avoid falls and so much more is so hard.
It is hard physically and emotionally.
I mean, I used to be able to do so much and then one day I couldn’t – repeat times three.
She didn’t tell me to do this, I just do it on my own. I quit smoking about 10 years ago with hypnosis and I have never smoked again. So to say the least, I am a be believer in it. Eric thinks it is BS, but I think it depends on the person.
I tell him he just thinks he is too smart for it and roll my eyes at him.
I started back with hypnosis a few months for my anxiety, depression, confidence and any other lingering issues that seem to like to hang around.
I love it.
I know this doesn’t replace my talk therapy and my meds that I am on for depression and anxiety, but I like it. If nothing else to help me relax for an hour.
Family and Friend Therapy
I am getting out again to be social again.
I am learning to lean on others and not just Eric all the time.
I am learning to trust my words that I tell so many others. People want to help and like to be needed.
I am writing more than ever. I can officially say I have started my book of this journey I have been on these past 6 years.
I am painting again.
I am learning to live again. Live my life as I am now. Not how I used to be, but expect me now and got with it.