Thursday, June 12, 2014


At one point in my life, I would never write this.

I used to be embarrassed that I needed therapy of any kind.  I used to think I should be able to handle all this on my.

I used to think a lot things that I look back on and think, wow.  That is it stupid.

Honestly, I never knew one person could see so many different therapists at the same time. When people ask me what I do all day, I am so temped to say, “therapy. That is the long and short of it”

Seriously though here is a list of what I do:

Chemo therapy well.

You know, for that cancer bit and stuff.

I go for infusion once every 3rd week, and I take 6 chemo pills at home for 2 weeks on and one week off. So really I am on chemo about 70% of the time.

Head therapy.

Dr. H told me a few weeks ago that it was that time once again. To pick up my pieces and start moving forward.

I feel like a pack mule hauling all of my issues around.

She asked me if I ever went back to the therapist who she told me to go.  I told her I went 4 times and she looked at me with that mom look of really?!

She said that isn’t good enough.  I need to KEEP going.

She likes to remind me I have been dealing with cancer in some form for the past 6 years and 4 times at therapy isn’t going to work it all out.

I was prone to depression before all the started 6 years ago.

I guess chemo didn’t take that away for me.

So now I do talk therapy once a week.

Physical therapy.

Again, Dr. H was all up in my business about this too and told me it was time to go back.

I fought her on that for a long time too.

I didn’t want to go back.

It is hard.

It makes me tired.

It makes me sad.

Sad to see what I am not able to do anymore.

It pisses me off.

Going there and having to learn how to walk again for the 3rd  time now. It isn’t something that I want to admit I need help with.

Relearning how to walk, balance, gain strength back, avoid falls and so much more is so hard.

It is hard physically and emotionally. 

I mean, I used to be able to do so much and then one day I couldn’t – repeat times three.


She didn’t tell me to do this, I just do it on my own.  I quit smoking about 10 years ago with hypnosis and I have never smoked again.  So to say the least, I am a be believer in it.  Eric thinks it is BS, but I think it depends on the person.

I tell him he just thinks he is too smart for it and roll my eyes at him.

I started back with hypnosis a few months for my anxiety, depression, confidence and any other lingering issues that seem to like to hang around.

I love it.

I know this doesn’t replace my talk therapy and my meds that I am on for depression and anxiety, but I like it.  If nothing else to help me relax for an hour.

Family and Friend Therapy

I am getting out again to be social again. 

I am learning to lean on others and not just Eric all the time.

I am learning to trust my words that I tell so many others. People want to help and like to be needed.

Creative Therapy

I am writing more than ever.  I can officially say I have started my book of this journey I have been on these past 6 years.

I am painting again.

I am learning to live again.  Live my life as I am now. Not how I used to be, but expect me now and got with it.
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