Thursday, May 29, 2014

Just Breathe


Just breath.

It was all I could tell myself while sitting waiting to be called back to meet my new oncologist.

A month ago I didn’t even know what an oncologist was.

Now I have one.

I sat there looking at the “cliental” I felt like a purple alien.

I felt that people wouldn’t look at me – maybe they knew something I didn’t. 

Maybe they were afraid I was there by myself and I would leach on to them to hold me up?

Maybe my imagination really gets away from me?

I am sure pretty sure no one really cared that I was sitting there, but I felt like people were asking themselves, “is she waiting for her mom?”

Nope! Here for me, please look away, there is nothing to see here is what I wanted to shout out in the waiting room.

I didn’t.

I didn’t say anything out loud.

I said a lot of prayers in my head, but no spoken words.
A few people walk in for a class. I think it is a class on chemo, but I am not 100% sure as I am sure this is a class I have to look forward to.

After filling out yet more paper work, I try to read a book. That didn’t get me too far as I reread the same paragraph for at least 5 times and still had no idea what I just read.

Renee Sendelbach, I heard.

Oh wow, she got the last name correct is what I think on my back. I let the front desk know that Eric is on his way and to please let him back.
I had to get my height and weight again.  I really don’t know why they won’t take my word for this!?!

So, there I was sitting in a room waiting for someone – Eric, the doctor, the nurse, someone to come in and tell me it is time to wake up and go home.
The bad dream is over and I handled it all pretty well.

No one came in to tell me that.

This is it.  I have started on the book! I am only about up to my 8th chemo and anyone who knows my full story knows that  there is A LOT more to tell.
I honestly hoping someone sees this and contacts me and tells me they have to publish it...a girl can dream right?!?!
Honestly I am doing this for 2 reasons: to get it out of me and more so to help others. I don't know exactly how it will help them, but I pray it does.
If you feel so inclined to help me, please share with anyone you think this can help.
I will still current stuff to but I just need to be held liable to someone.
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