Team S - Living with Stage IV Breast Cancer

I need to start practicing opening up more.  I do good sometimes at letting it all hang out, then just like a switch being turned off, my heart closes up and decides I am done being that open.

Being open is a scary place. People can attack so easily because you are letting it all hang out – which I think is a beautiful thing.

I have spent so much time building this façade that all is great with me all the time, when in reality it isn’t, but I am now realizing that it isn’t with anyone.

SO, here is me starting to really open up.  If you wish to join me, please do so.

 

What is praying to you?

Praying to me is just talking to God like I do a friend. Sometime I ask Him for help, sometimes I  just unload on Him, sometime I ask what He needs from me – just like I do a friend.

How often do you pray?

I go through cycles.  I used to only pray when shit hit the fan, but only AFTER I tried to solve it myself. Then I go through phases where I pray all the time about everything.  Then somehow I forget to do that, so I do back to the other way.

I now put a bright sticky note in random places to remind me to pray through the day – I love it like this.

Do you have a prayer time and place?

I tried this but it didn’t work.  I tried to do it first thing in the morning, but sometimes I would forget.  I tried to do it right before bed, but sometimes I feel asleep before I got it all out.

So now, I do it whenever/wherever I feel the need to talk to Him.

Do you tend to only pray when shit hits the fan?

Like I said before I used to be like this.  Of course when I was diagnosed the first time, I was on my knees all the time. Then I got better, and urge to talk went away.

Don't get me wrong, I would pray on and off, but nothing contestant.  Then another switch flipped

Now my heart tells me I need more day to day contact, so I pray throughout the day. If I see a wreck, I pray for the people involved and people there to help.  If I see a homeless person, I pray for them.  At red lights, I pray for the people around me. When someone pops into my head, I pray for them.

I like this way much better!

Please feel free to answer these questions above either here or to yourself – it might surprise you.