I went with Gina to pick up Ian today from school which was
wonderful. I spent a lot of the day with
her – just hanging out like we used to.
I am not sure what my new normal will be or even how to get
there. Some days I feel like normal is right around the corner, so close I
could grab on to it and never let go.
But the closer I get to it, the further it seems to slip.
Other days I feel like no matter how hard I look, normal is
nowhere in my line of sight.
It is funny – I used to long not to be normal, to be someone
who left something here on this earth – a trail of dust or something. Now, I pray to be normal – someone with
nothing special – just live a normal life, with my normal family, in my normal house…just
normal.
I know this isn’t going to happen, but I do wonder what it
would be like…to be normal.
Maybe normal is overrated?
I get radiation on my brain tomorrow – talk about not
normal!
To be completely honest – I am scared of this – very scared.
No one says there should be bad side effects, but come on – this is my brain we
are talking about here.
I will be mostly put out because I have to wear this mesh
mask that pretty much locks my head to the table so I can’t move. While making
the, I starting getting a little antsy and freaked out – started thinking about
Silence of the Lambs (NO idea why) and being as I was on the table for only ½ the
time I will be on it tomorrow, the doctor said he will give me a little liquid
cocktail to make it all easier – hey, I am all for all easier these days – I am
done trying to prove I can do this on my own or without help.
I will touch base with y’all after radiation and let you
know how it all goes.
Please pray it all goes smoothly and really is a “normal”
procedure.
