Thursday, February 16, 2012

Blank slate…

Too many days I feel like my head is a blank slate…I can be in the middle of a conversation and literally have no idea what I was just talking about, I forget simple words, if I don’t write an appointment down there is no way I will remember it – I used to be able to remember the most random appointments, certain memories are just gone – Eric will ask me if I remember something and I don’t, or I only remember little pieces of it – it is so bizarre what I do and don’t remember, how chemo brain effects me a little bit different daily.

I feel socially awkward when I am just left blank…with no idea of what was being said one second ago.

Fortunately my family and friends are awesome and let me ask them the same question multiple times – sometimes daily (or more) for a week or so until I realize we have talked about it, but then I still don’t remember the answer. Now I preface a lot of questions with, “I might have already asked you this.”

Now that I don’t look like “cancer” anymore aka, my hair is growing out past the point of, yep, she was bald as some point, and my skin isn’t grey and ashy– strangers do look at me like I might be a little bit crazy – mostly when I am ordering something or asking for help in a store because 9 times out of 10, I get to the person I need to speak with and have no idea what it is I want to order or ask about. Maybe they think I am drunk – who knows? And maybe they don’t really notice anything and it is just me thinking it is a much bigger deal than it actually is – kind of doubt it but could be?!?!

And no, I haven't forgotten to post pictures from our trip - I just haven't done it yet! :)
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