It is funny though – it made me realize the things that are such big deals to adults usually don’t matter at all to children. Maybe we should take cues from children – they are true masters of being in the moment and knowing what truly is important. I am “assuming” that in Ian’s eyes nothing with me has changed – I am still his mommy who snuggles with him every morning and tells him no, you cannot jump off the fifth stair up a few times every day.
It wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it would be. Last time we shaved my head I had lots of people over – in hind sight I am not sure why. Maybe I didn’t want to be alone with what was happening? This time, I wanted it to be just us 3 – the core of me. I was very blasé about it – it was what needed to be done and I am so glad it is now done.
I do remember how wearing a scarf makes me feel like I have cancer – it is screams, “I HAVE CANCER.” I am working on being comfortable with not wearing anything on my head outside our house…it is hard though – those looks, those looks of pity tear into my soul – I don’t want pity, I want a HELL YEAH you rock or a keep fighting sister or a F*CK cancer sucks – something other than pity.
So here it is – me sans hair – well kind of, I have a buzz cut at the moment.