Thursday, April 28, 2011

Good-bye hair

Well, we did it – I sat in a chair out on the back porch while Eric shaved my head and Ian played with his bubbles from the Easter bunny…he couldn’t have cared less what was happening with my hair.

It is funny though – it made me realize the things that are such big deals to adults usually don’t matter at all to children. Maybe we should take cues from children – they are true masters of being in the moment and knowing what truly is important. I am “assuming” that in Ian’s eyes nothing with me has changed – I am still his mommy who snuggles with him every morning and tells him no, you cannot jump off the fifth stair up a few times every day.

It wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it would be. Last time we shaved my head I had lots of people over – in hind sight I am not sure why. Maybe I didn’t want to be alone with what was happening? This time, I wanted it to be just us 3 – the core of me. I was very blasé about it – it was what needed to be done and I am so glad it is now done.

I do remember how wearing a scarf makes me feel like I have cancer – it is screams, “I HAVE CANCER.” I am working on being comfortable with not wearing anything on my head outside our house…it is hard though – those looks, those looks of pity tear into my soul – I don’t want pity, I want a HELL YEAH you rock or a keep fighting sister or a F*CK cancer sucks – something other than pity.

So here it is – me sans hair – well kind of, I have a buzz cut at the moment.

This is me, this is who I will be for an uncertain amount of time but I am okay with it.  My hair didn't define me and now my lack of won't either.
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