Monday, March 14, 2011

The elephant in the room

Is now me – damn it, I hate when that happens. Or I at least like it to happen when someone says something bitchy to me and I have to break out “the look” and everyone is on edge thinking, “oh shit, is she going to say something?!?!” Oh, you girls know the last time THIS happened!

How are you?

I am pissed, but honestly I am okay. I am sure Friday when we go to talk treatment it might hit me a little more and I might crack, but I don’t really feel like that. I don’t feel that being sad is going to do me, Eric or Ian any good. However, I won’t be false strong this time. If I have a crappy day, you all are going to hear about it. If I want to cry, someone will be hearing from me. If Eric or I are scared, we will talk to each other or someone about it. There will be no pussy footing around how shitty this is this time.

What can I do for you?

Nothing right now, but my neighborhood h**kers, on I mean honeys are going to be putting together a care calendar. If you want to add something to it, please let me know I will get you in touch with who is doing what. And believe you me, we are not turning away ANY help this time. If you offer, you better be willing to produce because we are taking you up on it! :)

How is Eric?

Eh, I guess the same as me. He thinks the same as me – no need to be sad, do what needs to be done and get on with life. We were laughing tonight because he thinks he last bit of hair on top is fading and I said, well this is surly going to do it in.

What are you going to tell Ian?

Not sure yet. We will figure it out as we go.

Are you mad at God?

No. I know he didn’t give me this. I am confused as to if there is a lesson for me to still learn what in the world it is?? I felt like I had/have a good grasp on my purpose while here on earth and thought I was working towards helping people create beauty, share love and pass along kindness…maybe that isn’t it? I don’t know.

Can you still drink? YES – lots of red wine is my friend at this point in time.

Can you still exercise? Yes, I did not lose my legs. :)

What are you going to do with Ian? Keep on keeping on with our life. I am going to more than likely put him in M/W/F MDO and get some help on T/Th when either my mom, Eric's mom or Aunt Tammy isn’t here to help.

What about Leopards & Lilies? I have a plan – I can make necklaces while sitting at chemo and have my etsy site take off!! Not sure about classes right now but I will see. This makes me sad because I feel like I had really found my nitch and hit my stride with it all but alas, maybe this isn’t the stride I need to be hitting?

Are you changing your diet? YES. Eric and I have talked about it for too long and now it is 100% time to do it. Low GI foods, no preceded foods and no sugar. Hey, I will lose those last 15 pounds!

I know you might read this and think I am not taking it seriously, I am taking it very serious. But like I said it isn’t going to do me or our family any good to be boo hooing about it. I will figure out the next step and go from there.

And, I am so eternally grateful for all my family and friends who have reached out to help support us. It really makes us see just how blessed we are to have all you wonderful people in our lives.

Until Friday….
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