Monday, October 5, 2009

One year later

WOW is all I can say. I just read all my posts from exactly one year ago and I remember it all like it was yesterday. I didn’t know just how much my, our, lives would be turned upside down, I didn’t know how much pain I was going to be able to take and hide from everyone, I didn’t know just how much I would miss “normal” until it was so long gone, I didn’t know if I would really ever remember it or be able to get back to it. I didn’t know much of anything last year on this exact date but the one thing I did know, I was going to kick cancer’s ass – I had no choice but to do it, I had a family I was not willing to leave mother and wifeless, I had friends who will always need my advice (or I like to think so!), I had a mom who needed her baby, I had a sister who wouldn’t do well without me…I had my life ahead of me, I had to suck it up, be strong and deal with it – and that is what I did for 16 weeks of hell.

It is funny, people tell me all the time how strong I am, but I don’t think I am any stronger than any one of you. We all do what we have to do when we have to do it – yes, it sucks, yes, it is hard and yes, we are so much better people for having done it.

So much happened in a year, 365 little days and some of those days, I didn’t know how I was going to make it to the next, so I took it hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute, but all the pain, all the hurt, all the tears were worth it – I learned to follow my heart, I learned to slowdown, I learned to not sweat the small shit and 99.9% of it is small shit, and most of all - I am healed, I am happy, I am strong, I am loved and I love.
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