Thursday, April 16, 2009

My heart’s song

I have tried to write this post for A LONG time – and I just couldn’t quite get it to where it made sense to me – I am here to try it again because it is something I want to put down in my memories…
What is your heart’s song – I heard this saying on Oprah when she was having her Soul Series in January. It was talked about by a terminally ill little boy (some of the details are foggy since it was SO long away) and I can’t even remember what his heart’s song was – but the idea behind it is to find your true meaning in life, your purpose, why you are here…when money is set aside, what would you choose to do with your life – how would you help others, how would you make this world a better place to live? It is a hard question to answer because it is scary to take money out of the equation – but one huge thing I have realized through this journey, money does not and cannot make me happy – yes, it makes life easier, but easy and happy are two totally different things. I did something yesterday that I believe is taking me one step closer to my heart’s song – I told Mary that I wouldn’t be returning to work. After a lot of thought, many talks with Eric, I decided my heart wasn’t/wouldn’t be in it and I have to be true to my heart.
Now, what is my heart’s song? I am not 100% sure but I think I am getting closer to figuring it out…don’t worry, I will let you know when I do! I know a huge piece of it is Ian. I don’t know if we will get another baby and I look at Ian and realize he is almost 2 years old and these first 2 years have flown by. I want to take every moment and be able to bottle it up as a memory (well, maybe not every moment – I can leave the fits!)
I want to leave my footprint on the world...I want to help people show their love for others, I want to show my love for others, and so much more. I have several ideas that I have started in order to do this and I will share them here once I have a better understanding of how they will turn out.
But for now, thank you all for everything you have given me the past 7 months, your words of love, encouragement, laughter have helped me through this more than you will ever know.
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