I have gone from thinking my body was a well oiled functioning machine to finding out I have obnoxious cells that think they can think and act on their own – OH NO YOU CAN’T.
I will start chemo on Monday, 26 days after I first heard the words – you have cancer. Several people asked me why I wanted to change it to Monday and as always, I had answer. Firstly, I think I changed it because I am scared and I really don’t want to get started but I know I need to –I have to. I had been so gung ho about taking charge, figuring it out and doing something about it but man, now that the time is here, I am scared. And being scared, I want to have one more “normal” weekend before this mess consumes us for the next SHORT 4 months.
And I really wanted Eric to have a free Saturday so he can go out on the boat with his friends and not worry about me, not have to take care of Ian and just be a guy instead of everything he is going to have to be in the coming months.
Honestly though, I changed it to Monday because I don’t want to feel like sh*t every other weekend and would rather feel the worst of it on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday when I am home alone, when Eric is at work and Ian is at school. Because honestly, I know how hard of a time I am going to have when I need to rest and take it easy and I know I wouldn’t be able to rest when I need to if they are home because I would want to be out in the thick of things with them. And now, I will feel good on the weekends when my boys are home to brighten my world and make me laugh.