Tuesday, May 15, 2018

So this is 40!?!?

40th Birthday 

I made it!

All the way to 40!

According to stats, should have been gone around 4 years ago…you know, with the whole metastatic breast cancer and stuff.

BUT – here I am! 40 YEARS OLD!!

40 used to look so different in my mind.

When I was a teen, 40 was the age of all the parents around me, my bosses, teachers, and such.
40 seemed SO long away.

SO easy.

In my mind, you had a job, you had kids, you had a family….you had it together as an adult.

When I was in my early 20’s, I honestly don’t think I ever thought of what it was going to be like when I was 40. There didn’t seem to be a reason to think about it all.

In my mid-20’s, I got married, had our son, worked – just living what I had thought life we supposed to be like.

30’s – well that decade was a little challenging.

Who am I kidding?!?! That decade was rough!

Age 30-31: Breast Cancer treatment for stage 1

Age 33: metastatic breast cancer treatment

Age 34, 34 and 35: 3 brain surgeries

Age 38: bone marrow transplant.

Some resume I have here.

So, being 40 to me is a crazy miracle.

With that miracle mentality, it changes my perception on age…a lot.
I don’t want to think of age as anything other than years of experiences.

Because really, when I look back on these past 40 years, it is the experiences I remember the most.

I don’t remember a ton about day to day life. It all blends together into chucks of experiences.

So, this begs me to question myself – what do I want to experience in this new decade of life?

~ I want continue digging into my heart to find answers that only my heart can tell me. Even if the answers are scary, seem impossible, or make me have more questions…I want to follow those answers.

~ I want make memories. Eric and I have stopped buying each other “stuff” just for the sake of it being a holiday, birthday or such. I don’t want anymore “stuff”

~ I want to experience being in the moment as much as possible.  Yes, sometimes that means feeling the hurt so bad it feels like my skin is on fire, or laughing so hard I get lightheaded…just feel it all.

~ I want to experience sharing this crazy story of mine on stage – me sharing with others to give Hope. I want to travel around with Eric and Ian to do this…to give these talks!

~ I want to experience love…just like I have for the past 40 years. But I want to amp up that love…I want a love aura!  
So this is it…40!

I am excited.
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