Friday, April 24, 2015

My reality

 I am tired.
I am tired of being tired. 
I am tired of not knowing what the next day will bring.

This week has pretty much sucked in a way that I haven't experienced in a while and it's weird when you don't experience the suckage all the time- it's almost harder to deal with then when you experience it all the time… But I'm not asking to experience it all the time... It is just a reminder of how bad I used to feel all the time and now I only feel that bad once every few months… Which in my opinion is pretty awesome… But honestly I wish I never had to feel this bad but I will to will take what I can get.

So I still get major migraines from all the brain surgeries...some doctors think it's necrosis (swelling of the brain or scar site) some doctors think it's because my brain has been messed with so much...nobody really knows why get these migraines… And I guess it doesn't really matter because it doesn't change the fact that I get them and when I get one like I am coming off of now I am beat down:
Beat down emotionally 
Beat down physically 
Beat down in every possible way 

Monday my head started hurting, and I was more tired than usual. By Monday night, it was here: the start of the migraine.

Tuesday: I slept in until almost 11 am, got up to eat a but was still exhausted. Went to lay back down and take a migraine medicine and went back to sleep for 3 more hours...this gave me enough to make it through the afternoon when Ian got home. I slept all that night until 1030 the next morning.

Wednesday and Thursday were the same...lots of sleep.

I woke up this morning at 900, so I must be on the mend.

Going through this every few months sucks, but in a way, I am learning to embrace it.
I often forget I am still on daily chemo, it has only been 2 years since my last brain surgery... I need to remember that in some ways I am still like a toddler learning new things...and it takes it out of me. 

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