Monday, September 29, 2008

As the days go by

Wow, I really can’t believe tomorrow is almost here and I will find out my fate. Then I think, how has it only been 20 days since I found out the news? So much has happened in 20 days it is very hard to think about and put into words – so I won’t because I feel like I already have and already have dealt with what I needed to deal with.

Now, I say I FEEL like I have dealt with the emotions that are “supposed” to come along with hearing this type of news, but have I? I was at lunch with Laurie today and I was telling her that I have read about so many women who were angry and wondered why them when they found out. I can honestly say I haven’t been angry once nor wondered why me. This is the way I am currently looking at it and honestly hope I can keep this in my sight once more intensive treatment starts – if it even has to. Again, I haven’t really thought about the what if’s of most treatments because I just don’t know what I am going to have to go through and I can’t compare myself to any other story out there because everyone’s story is so different. Okay, back to how I am looking at it right now – why be angry with something I can’t change with anger? Really, you can’t change anything with anger and anger takes up a lot of energy to hold on to and keep brewing. I need to use my energy to say positive, take care of myself, Ian, Eric and the hundreds of other things that happen in my weeks.

And if I wonder “why me” I know why me. Because I can handle this and I am going to make great things happen because of this. You will hear more about a project one of my dear friends, Meg came up with for me – Cards for A Cause and how we are going to take her idea and run with it and do for others in my situation. I have always wanted to leave a “footprint” behind and I know in my heart, this is going to be my contribution to make this world a better place. So, why not me? If not me, would Meg have come up with this brilliant idea and if not me, would she have been willing to take on this project with someone else and if not me, would someone else have my determination to do this in order to help others no matter what?? From what Meg has told me about the cards and the excitement behind them, I can only imagine how much of an impact this one little idea from her is going to have on me and my family and if I can be apart of that for someone else, then I know why me.
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